Prince Williams’ Lawyers Are Trying To Stop The Rumor That He Had An Affair With Duchess Kate’s Best Friend

April 9, 2019 / Posted by:

Hey pathetic commoners, hold on to your fascinator, clutch those pearls, and clench the ruby butt plug! What started as a little royal spat between Duchess Kate and her (former) bff, Rose Hanbury, has morphed into a full blown royal mess that the royal lawyers have to try to clean up.

The rumor started with the British gossips who heard that Duchess Kate was icing out Rose Hanbury, the Marchioness of Cholmondeley or, as we squirrel friends like to call her, just plain “Chumley,” from her inner circle. Rose is married to David Rock­savage, the Marquess of Cholmondeley, who is 23 years older than Rose. The rumor was that Kate breaking up with Rose had to do with an affair that Rose had with Prince William. That rumor traveled across the pond last week when InTouch put it on their cover.

The Daily Beast says that now Wills’ lawyers are sending out threatening letters to stop the rumor that has been “electrifying” British society for a year.

The publication of the rumors by In Touch will doubtless be matter of grave concern behind palace walls, as it represents the first serious breaching of a self-imposed wall of silence on the alleged affair by the mainstream media.

Some smaller online publications have published the allegations, and a prominent staff writer for U.K. paper of record The Times of London, Giles Coren, sent a tweet alleging the affair, which he swiftly deleted.

The Daily Beast further understands that at least one British publication has been served with legal warnings after publishing details of the rumors by the Royals lawyers of choice, white shoe law firm Harbottle and Lewis.

Is this scandal really “electrifying” British society? I’ve SEEN all of Downton Abbey, so I know for a fact that the British aristocracy jump in and out of bed with each other as nonchalantly as they order kippers for breakfast…or tell the butler to bend over for another thrashing…or nickname their ladies maid “Binxy-boo.”

As for InTouch, it doesn’t seem that Wills’ lawyers have come after them yet (like they’d give a shit), but a source said this:

“…courtiers said the story “was totally wrong and false” and sought to pour cold water on In Touch’s credibility, saying it had previously published stories that “Obama was having an affair and Britney was having triplets.”

Wait–I thought Obama was having an affair WITH Britney’s triplets! Or maybe Obama is the real biological father of Duchess Meghan’s baby, and Britney was the one having an affair with Prince William until she discovered that he’s a Reptilian shapeshifter. Get it right, InTouch!


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