Category: Doria Ragland

The Queen Is Reportedly Sad That Prince Harry And Duchess Meghan Are Skipping Her Christmas Party

November 20, 2019 / Posted by:

When Archie writes his first letter to Santa this year, his mummy and daddy are going to have to make a very special note that Santa will only be delivering toys to the Cambridge kids during his stop at Sandringham, because Archie isn’t spending Christmas there. Prince Harry, Duchess Meghan, and Archie are avoiding Queen Elizabeth’s annual holiday do at her country house in Sandringham. Anyone with any knowledge of Harry and Meghan’s alleged current status with The Queen most likely figured they bailed on Sandringham because it would be a ho-ho-horrible time for all. That might be so, but it still apparently has made The Queen sad that they won’t be home for Christmas.

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More Spiced Gin Punch For THE QUEEN: Prince Hot Ginge And Duchess Meghan Will Not Spend Christmas With Her

November 13, 2019 / Posted by:

If you ask me, a funky good holiday time IS getting drunk on gin with THE QUEEN while cackling after Duchess Camilla opens up her gift from her “Secret Santa” and for the 14th year in a row finds a tampon with a picture of Prince Charles’ face glued onto the tip. But I guess Duchess Meghan can only take so much of Princess Michael of Kunt handing her an empty glass before saying, “Sorry, dear, I mistook you for the help again.” Because the Palace says that Duchess Meghan and Prince Hot Ginge have decided to spend Baby Master Archie’s first Christmas away from THE QUEEN’s annual holiday celebrations at Sandringham. Congratulations to them both for not having to look at Prince Andrew’s face during the holidays.

I’d like to believe that the royal family has a bet going on how many BREAKING TRADITION headlines that Meghan and PHG can conjure up in the span of one year. Well, congratulations to the member of the royal family who went with 3,498, because I believe that’s the number we’re almost at.

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Behold, Master Archie Getting Shown Up By One Of His Grandaunts On His Christening Day!

July 6, 2019 / Posted by:

Yes, that is the look of a baby who is thinking, “So, I’m sitting here in this heavy ass Victorian ass lace ass reproduction gown while my grandaunt has beat me in the glamour department by looking stunning in some Truman Capote gone to Panama cosplay? Fuck this shit, get this itchy doll dress off of me!

As Britain experiences gale-force winds from all of its citizens vigorously shaking their heads over Prince Hot Ginge and Duchess Meghan having the disgusting AUDACITY to make their child’s christening private, even though royal christenings are traditionally private, two-month-old Master Archie Harrison Mountbatten-Windsor was christened today at St George’s Chapel in Windsor Castle. That’s the same place where PHG and Meghan were married, and where PHG was christened in 1984. The royals released two pictures including the Awkward Family Photo above. While everybody worked the same tired stuffy royal drag, Princess Diana’s sister Lady Jane Fellowes changed the entire game by looking like she’s about to solve the shit out of a crime on an island.

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Thomas Markle Asked His Ex-Wife Why Duchess Meghan Won’t Speak To Him

December 9, 2018 / Posted by:

Duchess Meghan is going through it lately (but luckily she has two things called Prince Harry and “not having to worry about money” to get her through it). Between feeling her ankles starting to swell with pregnancy from having to cope with the supposed feud she’s having with her sister-in-law Duchess Kate over dresses, life isn’t easy for a gal new to the British royal family. And then you’ve got her Pops. Thomas Markle is still turning to the press to report everything he’s feeling about his estranged daughter. This time he brought photos, letters, and a revelation that he felt it necessary to ask his ex-wife and Meghan’s mother, Doria Ragland, why Meghan isn’t speaking to him. This is sort of meta or Russian nesting doll or something because the answer is this interview you’re currently giving to the Daily Mail, fool.

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Duchess Meghan Has Put Her Mom To Work! 

September 20, 2018 / Posted by:

Duchess Meghan’s mom, Doria Ragland, hasn’t moved to London yet. But a few days ago she flew over to her daughter’s new homeland, and if she thought she was going to spend her days there sipping gin and Morrissey tears with THE QUEEN (and guzzling down three after Prince Philip tottered on in and asked, “Who are you spongeing off, love?“), she thought wrong. Because today, Doria put her wavin’ hand and smilin’ mouth to work at the launch of the charity cookbook her daughter did with some of the survivors of the Grenfell Tower fire. Prince Hot Ginge also came along and won the title of Sexiest Third Wheel Ever.

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Duchess Meghan’s Mom Might Move To England To Be Closer To Her

August 13, 2018 / Posted by:

Lost in all the “Thomas Markle still won’t shut up” articles is that Duchess Meghan has one seemingly normal parent. One that doesn’t appear to have a DNA mutation that causes them to wake up every morning and contact reporters. And as such, Duchess Meghan’s mom Doria Ragland is allowed to be in her daughter’s life and now she may really be in her daughter’s life, because the Express UK says she’s moving to London.

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