Behold, Master Archie Getting Shown Up By One Of His Grandaunts On His Christening Day!

Yes, that is the look of a baby who is thinking, “So, I’m sitting here in this heavy ass Victorian ass lace ass reproduction gown while my grandaunt has beat me in the glamour department by looking stunning in some Truman Capote gone to Panama cosplay? Fuck this shit, get this itchy doll dress off of me!”

As Britain experiences gale-force winds from all of its citizens vigorously shaking their heads over Prince Hot Ginge and Duchess Meghan having the disgusting AUDACITY to make their child’s christening private, even though royal christenings are traditionally private, two-month-old Master Archie Harrison Mountbatten-Windsor was christened today at St George’s Chapel in Windsor Castle. That’s the same place where PHG and Meghan were married, and where PHG was christened in 1984. The royals released two pictures including the Awkward Family Photo above. While everybody worked the same tired stuffy royal drag, Princess Diana’s sister Lady Jane Fellowes changed the entire game by looking like she’s about to solve the shit out of a crime on an island.

Besides Lady Jane nearly causing that mirror behind her to shatter from being hit with her Tommy Bahamas meets Nick Nolte glamour, others in the pic include: Duchess Camilla, Prince Charles, Meghan’s mother Doria Ragland, PHG, Meghan, Master Archie, Princess Diana’s other sister Lady Sarah McCorquodale, P. Willy (who looks like he’s holding in a major fart), and Duchess Kate wearing one of Tootsie’s old ones.

The other picture shows Meghan and PHG nuzzling Master Archie as he closes his eyes and thinks, “I still can’t believe my grandaunt showed me up like that on MY day.”

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This morning, The Duke and Duchess of Sussex’s son, Archie Harrison Mountbatten-Windsor was christened in the Private Chapel at Windsor Castle at an intimate service officiated by the Archbishop of Canterbury, Justin Welby. The Duke and Duchess of Sussex are so happy to share the joy of this day with members of the public who have been incredibly supportive since the birth of their son. They thank you for your kindness in welcoming their first born and celebrating this special moment. Their Royal Highnesses feel fortunate to have enjoyed this day with family and the godparents of Archie. Their son, Archie, was baptised wearing the handmade replica of the royal christening gown which has been worn by royal infants for the last 11 years. The original Royal Christening Robe, made of fine Honiton lace lined with white satin, was commissioned by Queen Victoria in 1841 and first worn by her eldest daughter. It was subsequently worn for generations of Royal christenings, including The Queen, her children and her grandchildren until 2004, when The Queen commissioned this handmade replica, in order for the fragile historic outfit to be preserved, and for the tradition to continue. Photo credit: Chris Allerton ©️SussexRoyal

A post shared by The Duke and Duchess of Sussex (@sussexroyal) on Jul 6, 2019 at 8:14am PDT

People says there were about 25 guests at the small christening. Vanity Fair adds that those royal rebels are continuing to break tradition by keeping the identities of Archie’s godparents a secret

According to Buckingham Palace, “The godparents, in keeping with their wishes, will remain private.” It is thought that Meghan’s two oldest friends Lindsay Roth and Genevieve Hills who accompanied her to Wimbledon on Thursday have been asked to be godmothers. Harry’s close friend and mentor Mark Dyer is expected to be among the godfathers.

THE QUEEN and Prince Philip weren’t there, which isn’t much of a scandal, since they didn’t go to Prince Louis’ christening last year. And THE QUEEN is in Scotland right now. Besides, if THE QUEEN wanted to watch a bald head get dunked into some liquid, she can stay home and watch Prince Philip fall asleep into his cereal after his third screwdriver.

The British media has gone on about how people are pissed because $3 million of taxpayer money was spent to renovate PHG and Meghan’s new house, and so some think the least PHG and Meghan can do is share more from Archie’s christening. William and Kate let cameras record the arrivals of family and guests to their three children’s christenings.

You know, I need to cancel my therapy appointment this week, because it doesn’t seem right to bitch and moan about my problems when there’s people experiencing real problems like not being able to see a bunch of rich people in fancy clothes walk into a building. That is a real problem, and I’m not hating, because I too want to see Lady Jane strut her shit into church while looking like she’s about to mess things up for Indiana Jones.

Pic: Instagram