For those still keeping score, according to Hillsong Church founder Brian Houston, his church does “not affirm a gay lifestyle and because of this we do not knowingly have actively gay people in positions of leadership,” but they are apparently fine with *exclusively heterosexual* serial cheating, unsolicited dick pics, rampant sexual harassment, fostering a “culture of silence and fear” and bringing dinosaurs back to life, as long as you don’t get caught. And that latter one is actually OK to do in public as long as it’s reflected in your tithes. Don’t like the rules? Well too bad, they come from the top. Despite what you know is true, Hillsong does not traffic in hypocrisy and that’s why Brian has resigned from his position as Global Senior Pastor of Hillsong Church after getting caught having “behaved inappropriately” with two women. Just two? Some leader, hey? Carl Lentz is looking at those numbers and shaking his head. They could have had a real one!
There’s never any silver lining in a story about inappropriate creep behavior. But I guess if there is one upside to all of this, it’s that former Hillsong megachurch Pastor Carl Lentz is no longer the only married former Hillsong Pastor to get caught putting his penis where his penis didn’t belong? Hillsong Pastor Darnell Barrett recently announced he’s stepping down from his position at Hillsong, due to a penis-print pic being sent to someone who was not his wife.
The New York Post has bad news for all the Justin Bieber stans who were hoping to see him get done up in Religious Leader-drag. Stories that 26-year-old Justin was going to transition into becoming a minister have been grossly misreported and he took to his Instagram Stories to clarify he’s just a regular-degular R&B sensation. He also made clear that he’s not a member of Hillsong Church, which has been in the news over Pastor Carl Lentz‘s cheating scandal and possible tax evasion. Well, the moral-authority pop star Justin Bieber has spoken, so I guess it’s time to cancel Hillsong. Elliot Page wins!
Selena Gomez Has Quit Hillsong Church As New Allegations Of “Inappropriate Sexual Behavior” Among Staff Come Forward
Stop thinking about whatever dumb shit you’re thinking about right now! The only question that should be on everyone’s mind at this moment in time is where will Selena Gomez worship now! Page Six reports that Selena has cut ties with Hillsong Church with sources claiming she feels “disillusioned” by Carl Lentz and his wandering peen. And according to multiple sources, one man’s dick is just the tip (of the iceberg). I have to wonder also if she finally realized that the only reason she and Justin Bieber were only invited to do couples counseling so Carl could check the couch cushions for any loose gold chains and diamonds that might have fallen out during their sessions.
Chris Pratt And Katherine Schwarzenegger Probably Won’t Take Anna Faris Up On Her Offer To Officiate Their Wedding
Chris Pratt and Anna Faris had one of the politest and most efficient divorces in recent memory (even if it seemed to have lasted an eternity), so it’s not surprising that they maintain a warm and supportive relationship. Both have moved on, Anna’s got her cinematographer boyfriend, and Chris just got engaged to Jesus by way of Katherine Schwarzenegger. Anna recently addressed the engagement on her podcast Unqualified and said that Chris texted her the news the very next morning. She was so happy for them, she hinted she would be willing to officiate the wedding herself! But it’s unlikely they’d accept. According to People, they will probably want Jesus to handle it.