The Trailer For “The Batman” Is Here And No, I Can’t See Shit

October 17, 2021 / Posted by:

The next time you go to the eye doctor, you’ll probably find that they’ve thrown away the eye chart and will instead play the newest trailer for The Batman for you. If you can clearly spot five things in the trailer, you’ve got 20/20 vision, bitch! Yesterday, many people squinted at their screens like a memaw trying to look at the menu in a dark restaurant before fumbling with her iPhone while trying to find the flashlight button. And that could mean only one thing: the main trailer for the *~dark~* and *~edgy ~* The Batman is out.

At yesterday’s DC Fandome, the main trailer for Matt Reeves’ The Batman was shown, and we got more of Robert Pattinson as Bruce Wayne/Emo Batman (although, Batman is already pretty Emo), Zoe Kravitz as Selina Kyle/Catwoman, Paul Dano as Riddler, Colin Farrell as Oswald Cobblepot/Penguin, and Andy Serkis as Alfred. It also stars Jeffrey Wright, John Turturro, and Peter Sarsgaard. The trailer makes it look like Warner Bros. threw copies of the Christopher Nolan Batmans at Matt Reeves, and said, “Just do this.” But before the trailer was released, RBattz talked about the 9,384,777th reboot of Batman (and that’s just this century alone) and said this one is like no other!

Pattinson called this version of Batman, which is based on Year One, “radically different”.

“He hasn’t defined what Batman is,” says Pattinson about his Bruce Wayne.

“There’s a desperation to it,” said Kravitz about The Batman, “He’s working out this rage. All the fights seem personal.”

Reeves mentioned that he’s still finishing the movie.

I mean, RBattz does have a point, because, in the other Batman movies, Bruce Wayne doesn’t have hair like that of a 90s math tutor. And before watching this trailer, the only thing I cared about was seeing Zoe in full Catwoman drag, and there’s lots of Zoe, but no sight of her in Catwoman ears. They’re probably saving that for trailer #98 since this doesn’t come out until March 4, 2022. And sadly, there’s no trace of any Batman coochie-eating in this trailer:

The trailer also shows us that Colin must have borrowed Sarah Paulson’s Linda Tripp fat suit to play Penguin. And in also in the trailer, Selina Kyle joins the ever-growing Maybe We’re Not So Different Club:

“Maybe we’re not so different” – all the Christopher Nolan Batman movies to this Batman movie.

Pic: YouTube

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