Category: Christmas Is Ruined

Rockefeller Center’s Tragic Christmas Tree Is On-Brand For 2020

November 18, 2020 / Posted by:

Miss Rockefeller Spruce 2020–AKA the big ass tree which gets cut down every year to be displayed in New York’s Rockefeller Center–made her way to the Big Apple yesterday. And her transport seems to have been a bit shaky. The 2020 Rockefeller Christmas Tree was put up and had Twitter users saying: “It’s A Coronavirus Christmas, Charlie Brown.”

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The Koven’s Annual Khristmas Party Will Still Happen Despite Coronavirus

November 11, 2020 / Posted by:

Welp, The Kardashian/Jenner Koven is about fifteen seconds away from unironically saying, “Let them eat cake!”, because these out of touch, bourgeoisie, plasticine-plumped fame whores are going full-steam ahead with another celebration which you won’t be able to experience within your own social circle because it’s a pandemic. They’ve celebrated birthdays. They’ve celebrated Halloween. And so how could they then miss out on the annual Khristmas Party?!?!

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Taylor Swift’s Christmas Song, Which She Wrote Over The Weekend, Is Out

December 6, 2019 / Posted by:

While some people in the UK may not agree, Mariah Carey’s All I Want For Christmas Is You reigns supreme as the biggest modern pop holiday song of this generation, but Mariah better sharpen her candy cane shank, because Taylor Swift is coming for her. Wait, I just listened to Taylor’s song. Mariah can put down that candy cane shank since she’s got nothing to worry about.

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More Spiced Gin Punch For THE QUEEN: Prince Hot Ginge And Duchess Meghan Will Not Spend Christmas With Her

November 13, 2019 / Posted by:

If you ask me, a funky good holiday time IS getting drunk on gin with THE QUEEN while cackling after Duchess Camilla opens up her gift from her “Secret Santa” and for the 14th year in a row finds a tampon with a picture of Prince Charles’ face glued onto the tip. But I guess Duchess Meghan can only take so much of Princess Michael of Kunt handing her an empty glass before saying, “Sorry, dear, I mistook you for the help again.” Because the Palace says that Duchess Meghan and Prince Hot Ginge have decided to spend Baby Master Archie’s first Christmas away from THE QUEEN’s annual holiday celebrations at Sandringham. Congratulations to them both for not having to look at Prince Andrew’s face during the holidays.

I’d like to believe that the royal family has a bet going on how many BREAKING TRADITION headlines that Meghan and PHG can conjure up in the span of one year. Well, congratulations to the member of the royal family who went with 3,498, because I believe that’s the number we’re almost at.

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Open Post: Hosted By Britney Spears’ Nightmare-Inducing Version Of “White Christmas”

December 12, 2018 / Posted by:

Christmastime is that magical time of year where we hear the same damn songs over and over again, get really wasted at holiday parties and hook up with random strangers to give the gift that keeps on giving: SHAME. And speaking of shame (or lack thereof), let’s check in with Britney Spears and watch her living her best life. And by living her best life I, of course mean, scaring the hell out of her fans with a creepy rendition of White Christmas.

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Mariah Carey Canceled Christmas Tour Dates

November 16, 2017 / Posted by:

The Grinch is working overtime this year and is trying to ruin Christmas already even though it’s still only November. Instead of crawling on his belly like a snake and stealing gifts, this year he’s trying to hit us where it really hurts: by working us over with a decidedly UN-festive gut punch. The Grinch gave Mariah Carey the vocal clap!

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