Rockefeller Center’s Tragic Christmas Tree Is On-Brand For 2020

November 18, 2020 / Posted by:

Miss Rockefeller Spruce 2020–AKA the big ass tree which gets cut down every year to be displayed in New York’s Rockefeller Center–made her way to the Big Apple yesterday. And her transport seems to have been a bit shaky. The 2020 Rockefeller Christmas Tree was put up and had Twitter users saying: “It’s A Coronavirus Christmas, Charlie Brown.”

ABC7 says that the tree was donated by Daddy Al’s General Store and came from Oneonta, New York. On Thursday, the 75-foot tall, 45-foot in diameter, 11-ton (Tons!!!?? Bitch!!!) Norway Spruce was cut down, craned up, and hauled over to the city on a 115-foot-long trailer.

The journey took days and Miss Norway Spruce’s wig clearly needed more hairspray because she took some hits. The Hill says that video of the spruce-reveal left people… a little shook. Immediately there were comparisons to Charlie Brown’s tree, and people thought that the tree was a perfect encapsulation of just how shitty 2020 has gone for the literal planet.

Well, maybe it was the angle? But wait, this is what Rockefeller itself posted:

Oh no! Someone mugged her! Maybe those branches will fluff out…? Here’s a side-by-side comparison:

Okay listen, does the tree look different from its profile picture? Sure. The bottom-half looks a bit out of sorts but the upper-portion looks fully as promised! Clearly, we now know that the back has a whole other situation going on–but we all have secrets.

Obviously Miss Norway Spruce will get some work done ahead of her actual ceremonial lighting of the tree. And they’ll fill in the blanks with tinsel. Also, by the time that tree is lit up like a topless Jeep weekend in Texas during coronavirus, it will be dragged out in so many balls, bobbles, crystals, and jewels you’ll wonder if it’s a Christmas tree or Joan Collins‘ décolletage.

Pics: Twitter

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