It’s been claimed that the lone hindrance to my complete appreciation of The Devil Wears Prada, Adrian Grenier, is way hung. He has now confirmed it. I’ll wait while the thirstier among you utilize Google Images to find some VPLs of Adrian Grand Marnier.

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Allied, directed by Robert Zemeckis, is about an American spy and assassin (Brad Pitt) who goes on a mission to Morocco in 1942 and meets a French spy and assassin (Marion Cotillard). They fall in love, get married, have a baby and of course, trouble ensues thanks to the fucking Nazis! This is the plot according to IMDB:

The story of intelligence officer Max Vatan (Brad Pitt), who in 1942 North Africa encounters French Resistance fighter Marianne Beausejour (Marion Cotillard) on a deadly mission behind enemy lines. Reunited in London, their relationship is threatened by the extreme pressures of the war.

It comes out in November, just in time OSCUH season, and also stars Lizzy Caplan, Matthew Goode and Jared Harris. The teaser trailer was released today and it’s giving me  “remake of Mr. & Mrs. Smith using the costumes and sets from Inglourious Basterds” vibes. Brad’s character and Marion’s character obviously get really, really close, so close that they share make-up. I mean, Brad Pitt’s mug is all kinds of Max Factor fresh in this trailer:

I really shouldn’t call it a reboot or remake of “Mr. & Mrs. Smith” until Brad Pitt drops St. Angie Jolie for Marion Cotillard, and years later St. Angie Jolie says in an interview with Vogue, “What Marion did was tres pas cool*.”

Pics: Wenn

* shitty translation done by the always flawless Google Translate

As expected, nepotism’s current pride and joy Kendall Jenner graced the cover of Vogue’s biggest issue of the year, the September issue, with her “comatose deer caught in broken headlights” eyes. This is the second time (third if you count that special “millennial” issue) that a member of Pimp Mama Kris’ koven has been on the cover of American Vogue. So I think that’s the men in white coats’ cue to pry Anna Wintour’s tongue out of the Kardashians’ asshole and drag her into a padded room. The room’s padding will be provided by Chanel, of course.

I know this joke has been made a million times (“That’s never stopped you before, bitch” – you), but Vogue should really change its name to Vague, as in I “vaguely” remember when it was a fashion bible and not a fame whore bible.

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This is the second time in 2016 that we’re talking about Mel Gibson’s gold digger baby mama Oksana Grigorieva. I don’t know what kind of backwards mistake rotation the earth made on New Year’s Eve to cause so many fame whores of the past to get attention in the present.

The last time we talked about Oksana and the horny human catcher’s mitt known as Mel, she asked him to increase his monthly child support payments for their 6-year-old daughter Lucia from $20,000 to over $100,000. Oksana’s really going to be crossing her fingers and praying hard to Saint Sugartits for that child support increase now, because TMZ says an appearance on Howard Stern back in 2013 cost her half a million dollars.

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Anti-thinking advocate Kanye West is impatient for Apple to hurry up and buy his pal Jay-Z’s music streaming service Tidal. Apple and Beyonce’s husband have reportedly been going back and forth about the potential purchase since last month, according to the Wall Street Journal. Kummy Kakes’ koat karrier feels that by taking their time to think about it (he’s not big on thought process), Apple is withholding music from “the kids.” He might also secretly feel that Tidal is a sinking ship and Apple might be the life raft in which he can join Kathy Bates and Rose’s stuck-up mom to escape watery business death.

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Leticia Sabater, children’s TV star turned turned elegant chanteuse of Spain!

If you would’ve asked me about “Leticia Sabater” two weeks ago, my brain would’ve farted up an error 404. I wasn’t aware that this fresh Spanish carnation existed until last week when reader Isabel dropped her latest flawless musical gem into my inbox and my ear holes. Leticia was in several Spanish children’s television shows from the late-80s to the early aughts. Wikipedia says that in 2002, Leticia decided to switch from serving up her brilliance to los niños y niñas and to sharing a piece of her brilliance with grown people.

Leticia continued to pop up in children’s TV shows here and there, but she also did reality TV and became Spain’s answer to Beyonce! Leticia has released many dance “songs” over the years, but Isabel says that she has really outdone herself with her latest precious gift to the world of music, dance (and street food). Salchipapas is like the Peruvian version of poutine and disco fries. It’s fast food deliciousness made up of salchichas (hot dogs) and papas fritas (fries). Last month, Leticia set fire to the internet when she released her musical ode to salchipapas called “La Salchipapa.”

While looking like she was cut from the same cloth of exquisiteness as Frenchy Morgan and busting out some clearance section Charo moves, Leticia warbles out a beautiful song that may make you want to fuck your ears with a papas fritas afterward. Warning: If you’re hungover, you should probably avoid this since you won’t be able to handle Leticia’s potent amounts of elegance and musical talent while in a fragile state.

I did a little research for this post and Google Translated an article where Leticia defended her video against the haters who think that it’s trashy and low-class. I know, they say that like it’s a bad thing. Leticia explained her song like this (and it’s moments like these when I love Google Translate), “It’s very commercial, catchy, horny fart to dance on the beach, bottle, in clubs, at parties, at weddings and christenings.”

If you’re getting married and have been looking for the perfect “first dance song,” look no further, because this horny fart is it!

Pic: Ideal.es