Mel Gibson Was Briefly Scheduled To Be Co-Grand Marshal Of One Of New Orleans’ Biggest Mardi Gras Parades
Historically speaking, there are few better places in the world to see some sweet, sweet, sugar tits than in New Orleans during Mardi Gras. So that is perhaps the reason Mel Gibson agreed to be the co-Grand Marshal of Krewe of Endymion’s 2023 Mardi Gras parade, one of the city’s “largest and most splendid parades,” according to Nola.com. But it doesn’t explain why Krewe of Endymion would want Mel to ride on their float, only to reverse the decision just a few hours later, unless the theme of their parade this year was Beef Jerky and Bile, but they couldn’t source enough of those little silica gel desiccant packets to keep Mel from rotting and turning into a lump of salty, sinewy mush. A huge turnoff, especially if you want the ladies to keep flashing them sugar tits.
The Slap delivered by Will Smith to Chris Rock’s face at this year’s Oscars continues to be the #1 question that every reporter asks nearly every famous or famous-ish type person. Chris Rock himself hasn’t said much, and Will Smith continues to do damage control including resigning from The Academy while waiting for them to deliver their punishment to him. And just when you thought that there wasn’t another celebrity left who hasn’t publicly talked about this, Mel Gibson was asked. Yep, we’ve gotten to that stage of this moment. We’re asking MEL GIBSON, a man known for his very balanced views and actions, for his take on this mess.
There’s a very comprehensive catalog of deeply problematic and downright hateful things Mel Gibson has said in the past, and I’m pretty sure it’s so bad that if you were to search the word “sugar tits,” Google would come back like, “Errr…you know what, I’m going to make an executive decision and just show you some boobs covered in sugar. It’s better for your mental health and probably safer for work too.” And yet! With all the notable quotables floating around out there from Mel Gibson’s past, he continues to work. Actor Joshua Malina, who was in The West Wing, Scandal, The Big Bang Theory, and A View From The Top, decided he’s had enough and wrote an op-ed for The Atlantic asking why Mel Gibson hasn’t seemed to face any consequences of his anti-Semitic actions.
Mel Gibson has said some heinous things, made some heinous threats to former partners and saluted the kind of people that make a reasonable person cringe with an embarrassing amount of disgust. And yet! With all that, Mel has been as successful at getting canceled as my Proactiv subscription from 2001 was (which is to say, I was receiving it well into Obama’s first term). Mel keeps working. He’s got the sequel to The Passion of the Christ, and Hot Seat with Britney Spears’ fiancé, and now he’s just been named as the director of Lethal Weapon 5. That’s how uncancellable Mel Gibson is. He’s able to resurrect a franchise that pretty much everyone assumed was dead after Lethal Weapon 4.
Sam Asghari isn’t just a hot guy who happens to be Britney Spears’ current fiancé and one of her loudest cheerleaders. Sam is also an “actor” and he’s going to marry a very rich, very famous person, and one would think that he doesn’t have to work so hard for that money anymore. But as a recent career choice has proven, Sam might still be picking gigs with whatever part of his brain tells him to say yes to everything because a check is a check. Or maybe Sam is in the dark about what Mel Gibson has been up to since that gory Jesus movie? Whatever the motivation, what we do know is that Sam has been cast in an upcoming action thriller starring Mel called Hot Seat. Ironically, the hot seat will also be what Sam is sitting in when he does press for this movie and is asked, “So, you decided to work with that person because…?”
I don’t know what Diane Keaton has been smoking but I’d like to try some. Diane recently posted a short video on Instagram with the caption “GOOD MEN!” that’s just a series of potato quality B/W photos of male celebrities that scroll by as Diane serenades them with a breathy, meandering rendition of the song You’ll Never Know (How Much I Love You) made famous by Rosemary Clooney. Rosemary’s nephew George Clooney isn’t in the slide show, but you’ll never guess who is. See, what did I tell you? You’re wrong. She’s probably saving Woody Allen for part two. But belligerent, antisemitic racist Mel Gibson did make the cut! So yes, I do want a hit off whatever Diane’s having because going through life as a conscious, thinking person is proving to be a real fucking drag.