And no, it’s not a documentary or PSA about the dangers of being a complete asshole. Well, not in the technical sense; it does appear to be a movie about rich assholes.
Variety reports that Mel Gibson, hot on the heels of a (checks notes) Santa Claus movie (???) and Shia LaBeouf, who recently played his own greasy dad, have signed on to an upcoming film called Rothchild. It’s already causing problems, and not for the reasons you might immediately assume when reading a story about Mel Gibson or Shia LaBeouf.
Many, many moons ago there was a time when people wouldn’t mind having Mel Gibson slide down their chimneys and chomp on their cookies during Christmastime, or any other time for that matter because Mel was hot! But that was years before he transformed into a racist-spewing anti-semitic resident of CrazyTown. And now he’s going to dress up in a red suit, give out gifts, and slapping at menorahs in Fatman. Mel will be checking his list twice to see if his name has finally been removed from the naughty side (SPOILER ALERT: It hasn’t).
Jesus Christ portrayer Jim Caviezel has some very exciting news to share. He got interviewed by USA Today! But that’s not even the most exciting part. Jim says we’ve got to hold onto our pants because Mel Gibson is going to raise his career from the dead by making a sequel to 2004’s The Passion of The Christ. So no, apparently Mel has not been cancelled. The lucky bastard got his bullshit grandfathered in.
Here’s a really scary idea that is also terrible. Deadline reports that Paramount Players is going to remake the already terrifying Nancy Meyers movie What Women Want starring Mel Gibson, only this time it’s gender reversed and stars Taraji P. Henson and is called What Men Want!
My thoughts exactly about that headline, Mad Mel.
While promoting his movie Hacksaw Ridge last September, Mel Gibson was asked to shit up his thoughts about the bloated budgets of superhero movies. That led to talk about Batman v. Superman and Mel called it a piece of shit and said he’s not into Spandex and superhero movies:
I’m not interested in the stuff. Do you know what the difference between real superheroes and comic book superheroes is? Real superheroes didn’t wear spandex. So I don’t know. Spandex must cost a lot.
So, since it’s obvious that Mad Mel is the biggest fan of Warner Bros’ superhero movies, they are talking to him about possibly directing the sequel to the critical shit log, but box office hit, Suicide Squad. What a smart decision! That’s as if Hillary Clinton decided to run for president again and asked Susan Sarandon to be her campaign manager.
Variety says that Vince Vaughn and Mel Gibson are starring together in a movie about police brutality. You know, when you think of two actors who are capable of delicately handling a serious issue like police brutality, you automatically think of Vince Vaughn and Mel Gibson. So this makes sense! And I bet Vince Vaughn is playing Officer Sugar Tits. Officer Goat Beard will spend most of the movie trying to resist the urge to get that azúcar by motorboating Officer Sugar Tits.
S. Craig Zahler (who wrote and directed Bone Tomahawk) is writing and directing this future shit show called Dragged Across Concrete. Sadly, I don’t think Mad Mel’s character is the one who gets dragged across concrete. Variety posted the plot summary and it is every kind of NOPE.
Gibson and Vaughn will play cops who are suspended when a video of their strong-arm tactics gets wide attention. They then descend into the criminal underworld to exact vengeance.
Vince was in Mad Mel’s Hacksaw Ridge, and the two also recently joined forces in hating Meryl Streep’s Golden Globes speech.
I haven’t checked yet, but I wouldn’t be surprised if this shit already has a Rotten Tomatoes page and a user named “GeorgeZimmerman” has already given it 5 stars.
In August, it was reported that Mad Mel is doing a movie with Sean Penn. Yesterday, I read that Mad Mel may do Daddy’s Home 2 with Marky Mark, And today brought this mess of a story. I’m afraid to open up my laptop tomorrow morning because I have a feeling there will be a story about how Mad Mel is starring in a movie that’s written by Woody Allen and directed by Roman Polanski.