Some Source Says That Marion Cotillard Would Like To Be Excluded From This Narrative
Nearly right after TMZ reported that Angelina Jolie took a machete to Brangelina because the demon weed turns Brad Pitt into a mean daddy, Page Six shook their head NO to that claim. Page Six said that St. Angie hired a private investigator to follow Brad around while he shot the movie Allied in London earlier this year, and when the PI put a magnifying glass over his dick, they found poonaise sauce that came from the chocha of his co-star Marion Cotillard! Page Six’s source that Brad humping on Marion is what broke Brangie. But everyone from TMZ to People and beyond said that wasn’t so and Angie doesn’t have to awkwardly welcome her husband’s side piece to the IHA (International Homewreckers Association) because her divorce filing wasn’t brought on by cheating. The Daily Mail spoke to some source who says that it’s not true and Marion is probably devastated over being wrongly dragged into that messy situation and mislabeled as a maison dépanneuse (that’s Google French for “home wrecker.”)
Don’t Call Pippa Middleton A Do-Nothing Party Girl
Despite the fact that that picture of Pippa Middleton could totally pass for an back-page ad for a low-budget British phone sex line (“Fancy a three-way? Ring me on your mobile now!“), Pippa Middleton is the opposite of a party girl. At least according to Pippa Middleton. Pippa may be known to some people as Duchess Kate’s sister with the ass who does who knows, but Pippa wants to change that.
Hot Slut Of The Day!
Richard Dreyfuss, who is very much alive and is very much not Julia Louis-Dreyfus’ dad!
Julia Louis-Dreyfus won her ninth Emmy (and her fifth Best Actress Emmy in a row for Veep) last night and it was very bittersweet for her, because her father, billionaire businessman William Louis-Dreyfus died just two days before on Friday at the age of 84. At the end of her speech, she almost cried and was shaken when she dedicated her award to her dad William Louis-Dreyfus and said that he had died on Friday. Julia said her father’s name and everything. She said WILLIAM Louis-Dreyfus, not Richard Dreyfus or Dick Dreyfus. She said William. But because Twitter is full of messes and messes who live to troll, they tweeted tweets of concern to the Oscar-winning star of Valley of the Dolls (he played “assistant stage manager” and that’s a very important role, okay?) Richard Dreyfuss.
68-year-old Richard joked about it on Twitter last night and let people who know how to tweet but don’t know how to use Google that Julia Louis-Dreyfus isn’t his daughter and he isn’t tweeting from the afterlife.
I’m actually not Julia Louis-Dreyfus’ father. But I really appreciate all the concerned tweets. https://t.co/4heUxufeOa
— Richard Dreyfuss (@RichardDreyfuss) September 19, 2016
Oh, Twitter. If Richard Dreyfuss had passed, he wouldn’t be able to read their concerned tweets because they don’t have Twitter in heaven! (They only have Twitter in hell.)
Pic: Wenn.com
Open Post: Hosted By Jessica Lange As Joan Crawford
The gay television event of 2017, Feud, has already started shooting in Los Angeles, and the paps got the first pictures of Jessica Lange in full Joan Crawford drag while filming scenes with Reed Diamond. In case you’re some kind of weirdo who hasn’t kept track of every detail of this soon-to-be masterpiece, Feud is about the bitch battle royale that Joan Crawford and Bette Davis got into while making What Ever Happened to Baby Jane? Susan Sarandon is playing Bette Davis and Catherine Zeta-Jones is playing Olivia de Havilland. As for Jessica Lange as Joan Crawford….
I don’t know. My eyes aren’t really seeing Joan Crawford. They’re mostly seeing Jessica Lange as Shirley MacLaine in My Geisha. That eyebrow situation should be so bold that when I look at it, it should punch me in the eyeballs and leave me seeing brow-shaped floaters for the next 3 hours. That eyebrow situation is barely lightly flicking me in the eyes. Joan Crawford’s glorious eyebrows were so hairy and thick that the people around her could barely speak, because when they weren’t spitting out brow hairs, they were choking on the paint fumes wafting off of her face.
Ryan Murphy should bring in Alyssa Edwards, who played Joan Crawford twice on RuPaul’s Drag Race this season, to be a makeup consultant. Because Alyssa Edwards truly captured Joan Crawford’s essence.
And that is a screen shot of Alyssa working one of Joan’s more casual daytime looks. Maybe the producers of Feud know that there’s not enough Sharpies in the country to fully recreate Joan Crawford’s perfect brows so they’re going to CGI them in during post-production. I’m going with that.
Pics: Wenn.com
Calvin Harris Is Still Talking About Taylor Swift
I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before Taylor Swift’s latest ex-boyfriend taps on the mic and starts talking about what it was like to date America’s Girlfriend. But until then, we’ll have to settle for hearing about it from the previous title holder. Calvin Harris is on the cover of this month’s issue of British GQ. GQ posted a couple of quotes from Calvin’s interview online, and they clearly know the road to page views isn’t paved with his thoughts on classy aftershave or whatever else they talk about in GQ. It’s all about Taylor. “Of course it is! It always is!” chirped Taylor Swift as she scrolled through her Google alerts this morning.
Amy Schumer’s Book Might Be A Financial Flop
About a year ago, Simon & Schuster threw a $9 million advance at Amy Schumer and told her to get writing. If $9 million seems like a lot of money for a book of essays written by a funny (depending who you ask) lady, it is. $9 million is a lot more than the $6 million Tina Fey got for writing Bossypants or the $3.7 million Lena Dunham got for Oh Shit, We Should Have Proofread This. Simon & Schuster were probably hoping that everyone was going to rush Black Friday-style to their nearest Barnes & Noble to buy Amy’s memoir, The Girl With the Lower Back Tattoo, and help them make back some of that $9 million they spent. But according to Page Six, that isn’t happening.