There’s a hole in the world, and it’s where Prince used to be. Since being raised up to the next plane of existence this past April (upon the wings of purple doves and trailing raw, sexy glamour in his wake), those he left behind want something with which to remember him. To be specific, almost 30 people have laid claim to his reportedly 250 million-dollar estate. Unfortunately, they’re going to have to make due with their Graffiti Bridge VHS tapes, because a judge ruled “no, bitch” in most of their cases.

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Allison is out today, because it’s National Lasagna Day, and even though it’s an American holiday, she still takes it very seriously. So it’s just you, me and the legendary elegant blossom Samantha Fox!

Celebrity Big Brother started up again in the UK yesterday, and it feels like every season, the producers try to stretch the definition of “celebrity” more and more. They’ve outdone themselves this year, because if you’re not British and don’t follow British TV, the list of “celebrities” will have you saying “WHO?” so much that your co-workers will think that an owl somehow got into the office. But that’s okay, because Samantha Fox is in there and she has enough star power to fill up the house, the city of London, the country of England and the world!

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Room actress (and The Clash at Demonhead lead singer) Brie Larson was confirmed to play Captain Marvel in Marvel’s first solo female superhero movie yesterday at San Diego Comic-Con. Upon hearing this, Scarlett Johansson donned her Black Widow catsuit before showing up at Marvel Studios head Kevin Feige’s house to inquire, “Are you fucking kidding me?”

You can watch Larson’s entrance to Marvel’s Hall H event below. Deadline reports that she’s been rumored to be Marvel’s #1 pick to play Carol Danvers (Captain Marvel’s civilian name) since earlier this summer.

Watch the Hall H crowd freak out as @brielarson is announced as #CaptainMarvel pic.twitter.com/fDMvgLA1ym

— Fandango (@Fandango) July 24, 2016

Oooh, here’s the part where I get to utilize my insane comic book knowledge that prevented me from getting laid in high school! Marvel created Carol Danvers in 1968 as a supporting character to the male Captain Marvel. She got hit by a beam or something and became Ms. Marvel! She was sort of Marvel’s attempt to create the first “feminist” heroine. That translates as a female comic book character who didn’t defer to her boyfriend while constantly calling him “darling” and was allowed to punch things. Ms. Marvel got her own title in 1977, but it didn’t last very long. She was pretty minor until she joined the Avengers in the 80s and has since grown in popularity. They killed the male Captain Marvel off (with cancer, which isn’t very comic-booky) and she finally inherited the name (and a bomb-ass jumpsuit) in 2012. The flick is scheduled to come out in March of 2019. Jesus, I’m going to be piddling into my Depends and Marvel will still be turning the crank on the money machine.

Oscar-winner Brie’s talented so I’m sure she can pull this off. Luckily, she won’t have to wear Captain Marvel’s old costume which consisted of a leotard and the sluttiest superhero boots you’ve ever seen. Check them out in the gallery, along with some of Carol Danver’s other looks over the years (yes, she briefly had a star for a head), and shots of Brie looking decidely un-superheroic while shooting The Glass Castle in Montreal this past week. She looks like her trailer’s septic tank just glitched and she’s having to trudge over to the neighbors to use theirs.

Pics: Wenn.com, Splash, @brielarson

Lindsay Lohan, perhaps unsatisfied with the amount of attention that her most recent Instagram foolery (think “mail-order brides for peace“) afforded her, called her fiancé out for cheating in a multi-platform social media meltdown. In multiple posts, Linds begged her Russian millionaire betrothed Egor Tarabasov to come home from the club, and accused him of cheating on her with a Russian hooker. Isn’t that sort of thing how she met him? Oh, and she also claimed that she’s pregnant. I’ll wait while you microwave a breakfast burrito because a lot went down.

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“Hmmm….something in the milk is POISON!” – that dog, who obviously knows what’s up and knows that Prince George cannot be trusted!

The heir to the British throne turns 3 years old today, and so Kensington Palace celebrated by gifting the eyes of his loyal subjects with cute pictures they tweeted. But well, behind one of those pictures is darkness and cruelty. Some look at the picture of Prince George and Lupo Middleton Mountbatten-Windsor above and say to themselves, “Awww, look at the widdle prince giving a widdle ice cweam to the widdle doggy.” But others look at that picture and see attempted pooch murder!

The Guardian says that that a few messes on Twitter are jokingly (I hope) calling for Prince George to be imprisoned for animal cruelty. Prince George is supposedly offering his doggy-in-waiting a taste of a white chocolate ice cream bar. Chocolate is to dogs what an Iggy Azalea song is to ears. It’s painful poison. Some dogs are also hit with a case of dogarrhea when they eat diary. That picture is so serious that the Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals released this statement about it:

“It is lovely that Prince George is trying to help keep his family dog, Lupo, cool in these high temperatures. We would advise people to be cautious when giving their dogs food meant for human consumption as some items, like chocolate, can be highly toxic to dogs and dairy items can be difficult for them to digest.

Instead of ice-cream we would suggest making an ice lolly from pet-friendly ingredients. Making these can be really fun for children and the end product is both safe and enjoyable for dogs.”

Prince George has yet to respond to this himself because he’s only 3 and doesn’t understand all those words. Or because he’s busy instructing his staff to set up a white chocolate ice cream stand in a dog park. Yeah, that’s probably it.

And here’s more pictures of the miniature Christopher Robin busting out J. Crew Kids catalog poses while wearing “bargain birthday outfits” (FYI: People considers a $36 toddler t-shirt a bargain.) in his birthday pictures, as well as pictures from earlier this month of Prince George waving at his haters before taking his flying royal chariot up in the air to survey his land.

Pics: @KensingtonRoyal, Wenn.com

I almost called this squirrel kitten a “squirrtten,” but this is a family post, which is why I also won’t make a “squirrel rubbing on pussy” joke.

After posting about horrific crap like Bill Cosby, Roger Ailes and the Kartrashians, we need a Hazmat-grade palate cleanser, and since a video of Idris Elba playing patty cake with a puppy friend doesn’t exist yet, we have to settle for the next best thing: this viral video of an imposter trying to be slick by passing itself off as a kitten.

Bethe Gettle of Pine Grove, PA brought another “squirrel who thinks it’s cat” story into our lives by sending a special video to her local news station WGAL. Bethe says that for the past week, a squirrel has been cuddling up to a litter of kittens in her friend’s backyard. This squirrel’s kitten disguise sucks (like bitch didn’t even try), but at least it has the act down. It is relaxing just like a kitten, while thinking to itself, “I’ve got these dumbasses fooled.”

Bethe added this note on FB:

“Giving everyone a positive story from backyard USA was exactly the goal when I shared this video. Yes typically speaking, a squirrel would usually be dinner for the cat. In this rare case, the squirrel isn’t dinner.”

Why did Bethe have to put that dark-sided thought into my brain? My brain was almost cleansed after watching that bit of love, and now I’m picturing the mom cat eating the squirrel and mouth feeding her leftovers to her pussy chirrun. No, no, that’s not going to happen. That squirrel will be raised a cat and will be adopted by a loving family who will pimp it out on Instagram and force it to star in a shitty Lifetime Christmas movie. In other words, that squitten is going to have a real happy ending!

via NYDN