“Ooooooh, bitch got sent to the principal’s office at ABC” is what many of us thought after reading the completely natural apology that Noah Galvin gave for giving his raw thoughts about Bryan Singer’s ALLEGED boy-diddling ways, Colton Haynes’ “pussy bullshit” coming out and Eric Stonestreet’s performance of a stereotypical gay man on Modern Family. 22-year-old Noah, who is openly gay, is the star of The Real O’Neals, which was renewed for a second season but doesn’t get nearly the ratings that ABC’s golden child Modern Family does. So Noah Galvin talking trash about Modern Family is like you spitting in the face of your boss’ favorite child while kicking them in the dick. And so of course, Noah got in trouble.

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Katie Holmes is still in Toronto where she’s still wearing a polyester Afghan hound wig to play Jackie Kennedy. Jamie Foxx recently made a stop in Toronto while maybe making his way to Montreal. So what does it mean?! Well if the tabloids are right, then Jamie and Katie have been married for a second, she already had their secret love child and so he probably stopped in Toronto to get her to sign divorce papers because their shush marriage has already ran its course – Lainey Gossip 

I see that the union between Lucifer’s minions and the Death Eaters is still live, because there’s a rumor that Anna Wintour is putting Kendull Jenner on the September cover of Vogue – Celebitchy

Fame whore mastermind Pimp Mama Kris is probably putting together yet another TV wedding starring a couple that will last about as long as the last fart I squeezed out – Reality Tea 

Stay in your lane, Ava Sambora. Phoebe Price owns the paparazzi bikini photo shoot game – Drunken Stepfather

Today in DRAG HER, Anderson Cooper repeatedly called out Florida’s Attorney General for suddenly acting like she cares about gay people  – Towleroad

I’m not sure if these pictures of JoJo were taken in 1996 or 2016 – Hollywood Tuna 

Some dude has been lying about being a writer for Broad City to try and get coochie. If it actually worked, it’s probably not going to work anymore – The Superficial 

Hasley brought some truck stop grunge hooker glamour to Bonnaroo – The Nip Slip

Here’s Adam Levine looking like Borat after getting a keratin treatment, and yes, I still would – SOW

America Ferrera wants an Ugly Betty reboot – Starcasm

That panty cream-inducing hot felon is an Instagram model now – Jezebel

Okay, but why does Camila Alves have rope tied around her arm? – Popoholic

Donald Glover is in the new Spider-Man movie but he’s not playing Spider-Man – Pajiba

I know that’s shower steam rising up Batman’s bat crack but it kind of looks like he’s letting out a powerfully hot fart – OMG Blog

This story that Nick Jonas told is nothing without picture proof of his edibles-produced boner (and yes, I Googled) – Just Jared

James Corden brought out his chichis to do some topless carpool karaoke with the Red Hot Chili Peppers – Popsugar

Pic: Splash

Earlier I posted pieces from an interview that the 22-year-old out and proud star of The Real O’Neals did with Vulture, and I was about to start the stopwatch on my iPhone to see how long before ABC’s PR team and Bryan Singer’s lawyers got to him and made him spit out apologies. Not even a day.

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Oh yeah, Juliet Angus from Ladies of London and Kourtney Kartrashian were there too…

Kitson may be dead and buried under a mountain of moth-eaten Team Aniston t-shirts and Von Dutch trucker hats, but the fame whore, coked-up star power of Courtenay Semel and Lindsay Lohan continues to live on! LiLo has been so out of the game that you may have to Google them both, you dumb fuck!

LiLo is still living in London with her latest mark, that Russian Home Depot (or something) heir, and last night at some private members club called LouLou’s, she partied with her friend Juliet, The Slow One and her one-time partner in pussy Nay Nay Semel. I know the story (for lack of a better word) is supposed to be that the freckled bag of delusion hung out with Pimp Mama Kris’ lowest-ranking ho, but it’s not to me. The real story is that LiLo and Nay Nay reunited! I’m sure they spent the entire night mouth shitting out memories of the golden days like how they once switched Brandon Davis’ bag of coke with powder laxatives mixed with crushed-up NoDoz and how LiLo once dropped a deuce in the Les Deux bathroom and blamed it on Parasite Hilton. Meanwhile, the most boring Kartrashian (and that’s saying a lot) sat there with her mouth open and her eyes set to “dead.” She probably only woke up once from screensaver mode to say, “Youuuuuuuuu…. guuuuuuuuuuuuyz….. are…… talking to….. fast…. I….. want…… organic…. yo….. gurt.”

And if you’re not too busy re-organizing your MySpace Top 8, look at these pictures of LiLo wearing a Circus Circus cocktail uniform while leaving that club with Nay Nay! (Just ignore the Kartrashian.)

Pics: Wenn.com, Splash, Instagram

Morrissey will tell you that Prince William is doing an interpretive dance where he’s playing the role of the British taxpayers who get fucked in the ass by the royal family.

While I know that DListed is generally a Team Harry kind of place, I also know that we will take what we can get. (Note from Michael: Speak for yourself, Martin. I will not take this, because I’ll be too busy sitting on this photobomb.) So here for your Memorial Day weekend pervy pleasure is Prince William doing what looks like yoga before playing in the Audi Polo Challenge in London yesterday. Both of them are pretty keen on sports so it’s good to see that he knows the importance of stretching and kicking.

Clearly, he’ still trying to make up for that disastrous disaster at the Taj Mahal. He knows what the old ladies of England the prying eyes of the internet are after. So don’t say he’s not giving back to the people. Before you drive yourself crazy with some top notch Google searching, I’ll tell you now that no, Prince Harry did not join him for the stretching. But, two other friends and/or teammates did. Do with them and Harry’s face what you will on Photoshop. And there are horses for you guys that really like to go the extra dark mile.

Pics: Splash

The puckering bleached moon anus in the background of  Conan O’Brien’s set! 

The other day, Dan Savage tweeted a highly important question while watching Bill Hader on Conan. Dan Savage asked: “Is it just me… or is there a butthole floating over Bill Hader’s head?” Now, usually I see everything as a peen. “Michael, look at this pretty orchid my boyfriend bought me.” That looks like a dick! “Michael, look at that cloud in the sky that looks like a flying Snoopy.” That looks like a burrito dick lying on top of a taquito dick! “And here’s your surf and turf entree, sir.” That looks like a dick wearing a full-length peach puffy coat and a dick wearing a steak like a cape!

But when Dan Savage tweeted that pic, my eyes totally registered the sight of a hungry, hungry asshole trying to suck off Bill Hader’s head. Because I’m a 13-year-old boy whose raging hormones just kicked in, I Googled for more pictures of Conan’s moon b-hole and found this:

As one of Dan’s followers points out, the scientific name for the moon’s power bottom anus is actually the Tycho crater and it doesn’t totally look like an asshole in other pictures (it looks like a dick). But the drawing of the moon on Conan’s set will forever look like it has a wrinkled lunar butt flower to me. If Conan ever has proud booty eater Kevin Gates on, the staff better cover up that moon or they’ll have to pry Kevin’s tongue off of it.