Open Post: Hosted By Jessica Lange As Joan Crawford

September 16, 2016 / Posted by:

The gay television event of 2017, Feud, has already started shooting in Los Angeles, and the paps got the first pictures of Jessica Lange in full Joan Crawford drag while filming scenes with Reed Diamond. In case you’re some kind of weirdo who hasn’t kept track of every detail of this soon-to-be masterpiece, Feud is about the bitch battle royale that Joan Crawford and Bette Davis got into while making What Ever Happened to Baby Jane? Susan Sarandon is playing Bette Davis and Catherine Zeta-Jones is playing Olivia de Havilland. As for Jessica Lange as Joan Crawford….

I don’t know. My eyes aren’t really seeing Joan Crawford. They’re mostly seeing Jessica Lange as Shirley MacLaine in My Geisha. That eyebrow situation should be so bold that when I look at it, it should punch me in the eyeballs and leave me seeing brow-shaped floaters for the next 3 hours. That eyebrow situation is barely lightly flicking me in the eyes. Joan Crawford’s glorious eyebrows were so hairy and thick that the people around her could barely speak, because when they weren’t spitting out brow hairs, they were choking on the paint fumes wafting off of her face.

Ryan Murphy should bring in Alyssa Edwards, who played Joan Crawford twice on RuPaul’s Drag Race this season, to be a makeup consultant. Because Alyssa Edwards truly captured Joan Crawford’s essence.


And that is a screen shot of Alyssa working one of Joan’s more casual daytime looks. Maybe the producers of Feud know that there’s not enough Sharpies in the country to fully recreate Joan Crawford’s perfect brows so they’re going to CGI them in during post-production. I’m going with that.


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