Frances McDormand’s Met Gala Look!

While watching E!’s coverage of last night’s Meth Gala (which was a teensy bit less insufferable since Ryan Seacrest wasn’t a part of it), Giuliana Rancic told the viewers to prepare for the sight of Frances McDormand. Knowing that Frances McDormand, the Patron Saint of Not Giving A Fuck, was at the Met Gala and that the theme was Heavenly Bodies: Fashion and the Catholic Imagination (aka Sunday Best), I figured that she wore some stained Notre Dame sweats, a “Mary Is My Homegirl” t-shirt and worn out Birkenstocks, which I’m pretty sure were Jesus’ favorite brand of sandals. But instead, Frances  surprised the shit out of me by showing up looking like the High Priestess of a cult I definitely want to join.

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Tonight is the Met Gala, when stars and dirt stars squeeze themselves into a $30,000 gown that doesn’t go with the theme to bow down to Anna Wintour as she sacrifices interns to fulfill her yearly contract with Satan (that’s what happens there, right?). But I don’t even know why Anna didn’t announce today that this year’s Met Gala is canceled, because the real fashion event of May went down in Westwood, CA yesterday at the premiere of the mess of a movie my mom wants me to take her to on Mother’s Day.

Jane Fonda, Candice Bergen, Diane Keaton, and Mary Steenburgen all brought the glamour to the red carpet of  Book Club. Jane Fonda showed up looking like a Mary Kay regional manager who just naturally smells like Shalimar perfume and could easily fuck your dad if she wanted to. Candice Bergen showed up with a look that was Snow White down below (see: her Gucci sweater) and Evil Queen up top (see: those snatched-in-the-name-of-evil brows). Diane Keaton showed up looking like Madam Mim going to a sock hop in the 90s. And Mary Steenburgen wore some boring shit but made up for it by accessorizing her dress with a tall drink of silver named Ted Danson.

And now if you’ll excuse me I need to ask Google, “Is my mom forcing me to take her to a Fifty Shades of Shit propaganda film grounds for a quickie emancipation?”

Pics: Wenn.com

It’s been about 13 days since the newest future The Crown character (he’ll be played by Sir Patrick Stewart in a onesie, and yes Sir Patrick Stewart will win an Emmy for it) exited out of Duchess Kate’s womb royale, and Kensington Palace has released two new pictures of him on Instagram and Twitter. Prince Louis is looking glazed in the eyes. Either Prince Hot Ginge is standing in front of him and he’s mesmerized by that glorious field of ginger magnificence, or he got high from the paint fumes as Auntie Pippa Middleton gave him a signature Middleton spray tan. That would explain why he’s looking red in the face.

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Hollywood moves fast, because The Hollywood Reporter says that Annapurna Television has optioned the rights to a 2017 exposé published by The New York Times about self-help group-turned-sex cult NXIVM and its founder (and self-titled Vanguard) Keith Raniere, and will be turning it into a series.

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Just try to ignore that tragic poster, which looks like a no-budget travel ad done by an intern on MS Paint using the cheapest clip art they could find (see: that random peacock and Liberace’s anal beads aka those rhinestone disco balls).

When I was laid up in my bed with a jacked-up retina for weeks, my ears swallowed up many audio books including the entire Crazy Rich Asians series. I swallowed those books up like they were an 8″ peen, because as someone who thinks Jackie Collins is the greatest thing to happen to words, the Crazy Rich Asians series has everything I want: opulence, intrigue, glamour, bitchery, and a plot easy enough for my simple brain to follow. So I’ve been waiting and waiting for a trailer for the film version, which is Hollywood’s first all-Asian cast movie since The Joy Luck Club. A teaser trailer was released a few days ago, and it got me nervous, thinking that those cheap bitches in Hollywood turned it into On-A-Budget Asians by making it look like a Lifetime movie. But the full trailer is out and it is ˈä-pyə-lənt. Well, most of it is anyway.

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Last Thursday, Shania Twain appeared as a guest judge on RuPaul’s Drag Race. An entirely appropriate choice, considering you’d be hard pressed to find a queen who hasn’t turned it out to Man! I Feel Like a Woman. But then just three days later, the same people that were hollering “Werk, Timmins!” were suddenly asking her to sashay away. Shania revealed in an interview with The Guardian published yesterday that had she been able to vote in the 2016 U.S. Presidential election, she would have voted for Donald Trump. Obviously that didn’t sit well with fans, and now she’s walking back what she said.

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