The New Royal Baby Has Blessed His Subjects With His Presence 

April 23, 2018 / Posted by:

SPOILER ALERT: And the new royal baby looks like… wait for it… wait for it… a baby. Although, the newborn prince looks more peaceful to me than a regular baby, and that’s probably because I know that he’ll never experience the stress that is looking at a credit card bill when the minimum amount due is $39.50 and he’s got $12 in his bank account.

As she’s done with all her newborn babies, Duchess Kate pulled her just-given-birth body out of her hospital bed, slipped her swole hooves into Easy Spirit heels, collected her new son from her lady-in-waiting, and strolled on out of the Lindo Wing at St. George’s Hospital in London to introduce Baby Prince Willow Harry (that better be his name) to the people before going back to Kensington Palace. Many have said that Duchess Kate’s red Jenny Packham dress is her way of paying tribute to Princess Diana since Diana wore a white collared red ensemble while leaving the hospital after giving birth to Prince Hot Ginge. But I don’t see that at all. I see Duchess Kate trying to show the commoners that she’s just like them by dressing like Annie. Duchess Kate’s son may have come out today, but in that dress she’s giving me The Sun’ll Come Out Tomorrow.

Before Duchess Kate debuted THE QUEEN’s sixth great-grandchild, Prince William brought Future King George and Princess Charlotte to the hospital for George to look his new understudy up and down. Princess Charlotte got a mega early head start on her eventual career of being a professional hand waver, but not Prince George. That makes sense. Prince George doesn’t wave at the peasants, the peasants wave at him!

Duchess Kate’s sister Pippa Middleton is supposedly pregnant with her first child. Pippa stole all the spotlights at Duchess Kate’s wedding with her ass. So I expected Pippa to use a different kind of bump to get all the spotlights back on her today. I figured she’d show up at the door of the Lindo Wing to greet Duchess Kate and turn around to reveal her “baby bump” for the cameras. You disappoint me so, Pippa.


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