Prince was a master at many things like accessorizing his luscious chest fur with just the right amount of gold, making the floor boards jizz with his strut, easily snatching away the spotlight from absolutely anyone (including that other royal THE QUEEN on her born day) and giving the Internet GIFs we’ll always remember. Prince was one of the King of GIFs and many of his animated portraits of fierceness will make you want to reach for the smelling salts. But you won’t know whether to inhale the smelling salts through your nose, because your head is feeling light-headed or inhale the smelling salts through your genitals, because your fuck parts are feeling light-headed. I’ve put a few of Prince’s best GIF moments after the cut, and they’re really just the tip of the sexy iceberg:

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In case you didn’t already know, today is THE QUEEN’s 90th birthday. If I was THE QUEEN and it was my birthday, and I was turning 90, I’d spend the whole day spread out like a starfish on the comfiest couch at Buckingham Palace in my best muumuu, watching whatever the British equivalent of Family Feud is, and holler at my lady-in-waiting to top up my teacup with earl grey-flavored vodka. But since THE QUEEN is THE QUEEN for a reason, she did what she always does.

Queen Elizabeth II got all dolled up in her 90th birthday best and strolled around waving to her subjects with the top-tier members of her crew, Prince Philip and her pocketbook. Apparently Queen Elizabeth’s version of birthday best is a long green coat, some sensible shoes, and a hat that looks like it was made during a cake decorating class at Michaels. Speaking of cakes, some random person in the crowd made her a birthday cake with a corgi on it. I doubt that’s a picture of one of her corgis, and I highly doubt she ate it. But it’s nice to see that at least one corgi showed up for her birthday.

I don’t know what better thing THE QUEEN’s corgis had to do today, but surely it wasn’t more important than celebrating the 90th birthday of their pack leader. Maybe they’re still sore that she passed over them and gave the 4th stamp to Prince George. Those ungrateful little furry footstools. No hand-carved royal roast for you tonight.

Other than the walk and wave, The Queen also attended a beacon lighting ceremony. Wait, that’s it? A 90th birthday merits a little more razzle dazzle than that. Thankfully the day isn’t over yet. There’s still time to round up a bunch of male strippers and mark her birthday with a 21-buns salute.

Pics: Splash, Wenn.com

“Who gives a ladybug’s remarkable anus, Prince is dead!” is pretty much going to be everyone’s response to a non-Prince post for the next week. Understandably.

But when we all found out that this planet is a zillion times less sexy, glamorous and talented, Time should’ve quickly yanked down all the covers for their new issue and replaced it with just a picture of Prince smoldering. But they haven’t done that yet. I guess they just have to show us that People isn’t the only magazine who can release  a useless list that means nothing this week! Time put out their annual “100 People Whose Publicist Influenced Us To Put Their Asses On This List With Promises Of Going To Our Events And Shit” list.

Several of the names on the list will make you wonder if Time has ever looked up the definition of “influential.” The list includes Nicki Minaj, Karlie Kloss, Donald Trump, Charlize Theron, Caitlyn Jenner, PewDiePie, Leonardo DiCatchAHo and Ariana Grande Latte, who I guess influences people to commit heinous fucking crimes like spitting on donuts! Other people on the list include: a bunch of smarties I don’t know (but not Amal Clooney), Tim Cook, the Zuckerbergs, Lin-Manuel Miranda, Usain Bolt, Putin, President Obama, Cookie Lyon, Idris Elba and Oscar Isaac. You can see the full list here, if you’re into that.

For the issue, many of the people on the list were interviewed by another famous type. So basically, it’s just a bunch of famous people tongue boning each other in the ass. You know, I would be all for that if Idris Elba and Oscar Isaac interviewed each other and literally did the whole “licking each other’s asses” thing while livestreaming…

“No honey, wind is not caused by too many people sneezing at the same time” is a conversation that Amal Clooney may or may not be having with her husband in the picture above. When George Clooney married smart human rights lawyer Amal Alamuddin back in 2014, he should have called up The Learning Annex and asked if they offered any night school classes in communicating with your smart human rights lawyer wife.

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Just hours after everyone found out that Disney and her co-host of 4 years Michael Strahan didn’t tell her about him leaving their morning show for Good Morning America before announcing it to the world, Kelly Ripa strut out of her townhouse while making sure that the paps got a good shot of the book in her hand. The book was David and Goliath: Underdogs, Misfits, and the Art of Battling Giants, and yeah, I don’t have to really explain what it’s about. But you know, I think that move was a little too subtle. I don’t think everyone got it. Kelly’s hot pocket piece husband Mark Consuelos should’ve dragged out a giant wooden cross with her nailed to it, and as streams of blood (read: grenadine) trickled down her face from the crown of thorns on her head, an actor in a Mickey Mouse costume and another one wearing a Michael Strahan mask should’ve taken turns whipping her. Or she should’ve just come out dressed like Joan of Arc with a Mickey Mouse head stuck to her sword. We all would’ve gotten the point if she did that.

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Somewhere in an underground bunker, the lead Hiddlestoner just hit the emergency alert button and triggered all the other Hiddlestoners to collapse onto their favorite Loki fleece snuggle blanket in a horny ball of bliss while screaming “I STILL HAVE A CHANCE!!!!”

Eleven months ago, Tom Hiddleston was rumored to be working his blue-eyed British dreamboat game on Elizabeth Olsen. It was a mysterious maybe-relationship filled with denials and decoys and clandestine taxi rides. Six months later, word started going around that Elizabeth Olsen was far too busy to be doing Tom on the regular, and dumped him. But of course, since Tom and Elizabeth were ~so secret~ and sneaky with their relationship, there was a chance the breakup was just a lie meant to throw the Hiddlestans off the scent. Well, New York magazine decided to get to the bottom of it.

Once New York got all their questions about I Saw the Light and The Night Manager (aka the miniseries where you see his ass) and High-Rise (aka the movie where he gets naked on a patio lounger) out of the way, they asked him about his relationship with the third Olsen sister. Not surprisingly, Tom played a little coy.

“Some things have to remain sacred. You could write that I’m single. There’s no ring on this finger.”

Single? No ring on it? How very Beyonce of you Tom. Actually, no – scratch that. I don’t want to get sued. Really though, I love how indirect Tom is. He could teach a class at the Lionel Hutz School of “The Truth“. Is he still boning Elizabeth Olsen? Maybe, maybe not. You could write that he is. You could also write that he’s single. Tom Hiddleston is that teacher who replies “I don’t know, can you?” when you’d ask if you could go to the bathroom.

Here’s more of Tumblr’s maybe-single favorite boy at the Tribeca Film Festival premiere of High-Rise last night. Also included is Sienna Miller. I didn’t hear any stories about taken man-poaching expert Sienna Miller trying to get with Tom 0.3 second after they walked off the red carpet, so maybe he really is single.

Pics: Wenn.com