Open Post: Hosted By Tom Hiddleston’s Nalgas

Many Hiddlestoners in the UK probably spent a piece of their morning wrapping an ACE bandage around their tongue, because they sprained it by licking their TV screen over and over and over again last night.

Tom Hiddleston stars in a BBC miniseries called The Night Manager (it will make its way to the US in April), and on last night’s episode (SPOILER ALERT), his tiny Stottie cake butt cheeks were exposed as he humped Elizabeth Debicki against a wall. The Daily Mail posted the screen shot of Tom’s little peach coming out to play and tweets from people who wanted to smear marmalade on those buns and eat ’em up. A clip of the VERY racy fuck scene (read: it’s not very racy) and Tom’s un-pixelated ass are after the cut. It’s not even close to being the tip moistening and panty destroying scene that Charlie Hunnam’s SoA fuck scene was, but if you have it for Tom Hiddleston, then wrap the seat of your chair in Saran wrap before clicking over.

Everything I know about straight sex I learned from porn, so I don’t know anything about straight sex except that you’re supposed to spit on the coochie as much as possible and slap it with your peen before going in. But is she supposed to be that high? Are they having against the wall ass sex or is his dick really long? And why are his pants so high in the front? Did they not have a condom so he’s doing her through his pants? They obviously needed me to be a straight sex consultant on The Night Manager. “Okay, Tom we need to make this look really real, so spit on Elizabeth’s crotch and then pat her puss with your peen before doing her.”