Because You Care, Time Released Their “Most Influential” Issue

April 21, 2016 / Posted by:

“Who gives a ladybug’s remarkable anus, Prince is dead!” is pretty much going to be everyone’s response to a non-Prince post for the next week. Understandably.

But when we all found out that this planet is a zillion times less sexy, glamorous and talented, Time should’ve quickly yanked down all the covers for their new issue and replaced it with just a picture of Prince smoldering. But they haven’t done that yet. I guess they just have to show us that People isn’t the only magazine who can release  a useless list that means nothing this week! Time put out their annual “100 People Whose Publicist Influenced Us To Put Their Asses On This List With Promises Of Going To Our Events And Shit” list.

Several of the names on the list will make you wonder if Time has ever looked up the definition of “influential.” The list includes Nicki Minaj, Karlie Kloss, Donald Trump, Charlize Theron, Caitlyn Jenner, PewDiePie, Leonardo DiCatchAHo and Ariana Grande Latte, who I guess influences people to commit heinous fucking crimes like spitting on donuts! Other people on the list include: a bunch of smarties I don’t know (but not Amal Clooney), Tim Cook, the Zuckerbergs, Lin-Manuel Miranda, Usain Bolt, Putin, President Obama, Cookie Lyon, Idris Elba and Oscar Isaac. You can see the full list here, if you’re into that.

For the issue, many of the people on the list were interviewed by another famous type. So basically, it’s just a bunch of famous people tongue boning each other in the ass. You know, I would be all for that if Idris Elba and Oscar Isaac interviewed each other and literally did the whole “licking each other’s asses” thing while livestreaming…

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