If you’ve just been to the local county fair and your hot crush just won you one of those huge novelty teddy bears at the ring toss booth, I have some horrifying news for you. It may contain a whole man who is hiding from the law! Such was the case in Manchester, England. A suspected thief was out of options when running from the law and thought maybe a giant bear would be his ticket to freedom. You can guess how this turned out.

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Well, the FBI should prepare for several voicemails from an extra ragey-voiced Alec Baldwin where he reams them a new one as Hilaria Baldwin spews out several Spanish curse words in the background (while reading off of a list of Spanish curse words she Googled just seconds before). Because according to ABC News, the FBI’s investigation into the Rust shooting has wrapped up and they’ve concluded that the gun that killed cinematographer Halyna Hutchins, and injured director Joel Souza, did not go off by itself and the trigger was pulled. This is despite Alec Baldwin claiming that he never ever pulled the trigger.

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Beloved lycan and nemesis of boars everywhere Shakira has been having a difficult year. First, her footballer husband Gerard Pique suffered from a severe case of wandering peen which eventually led to the dissolution of their marriage. Then all that tax mierda Shakira’s been putting off finally caught up to her. What’s a girl to do? Move mansions, of course! There are rumors that Shakira is planning to get away from it all and relocate to the tiny modest town of Miami. Ah yes, who hasn’t considered moving to Miami to deal with a breakup (and those pesky tax collectors)!

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Dogs will eat anything. Grass, garbage, their own vomit. They’re indiscriminate when it comes to what goes into their mouths (very relatable). While we might be a little disgusted by the idea of a dog re-eating its own meal, a couple in Oregon experienced a more sickening ordeal when their pups decided that their lotto ticket looked as good as a Beggin’ Strip. Turns out the ticket was a winner, so Rachel and Nathan Lamet had to do that thing where you wrench open a dog’s mouth to get something out. Ah, the joys of having a pet!

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