Last week, a rumor popped up, claiming that Shakira and her man of 11 years, Gerard Pique, were on the verge of breaking up over his peen wandering up into the nethers of another. And while rumors about Pique’s alleged wandering peen ways may be as shrug-worthy as hearing that Shakira threw another tax bill into the trash, it’s been reported that she “caught” him cheating and that led to him moving out of their house and into his Barcelona bachelor pad. Shakira and Pique have since moved the rumor of their split into truth territory by confirming that they’re done.
45-year-old Shakira and 35-year-old Spanish footballer Gerard Pique (who is best known to me for those bulge pics and for being the co-star of that homoerotic Walk To Remember-style pic with Zlatan Ibrahimovic) met on the set of the video for her song Waka Waka (This Time for Africa), which was the official song of the 2010 FIFA World Cup. They made two sons together: 9-year-old Milan and 7-year-old Sasha. Spanish paper El Periodico (via Marca) was the first to report that Shakira and Pique were going through it, and then it was reported that she told him to waka waka out the fucking exit door after she found out he cheated on her with a 20-something student/hostess. It was also reported that Pique has been partying it up at clubs in Barcelona with his 22-year-old teammate Riqui Puig. Not to mention, there was another rumor that Pique passed his peen to the mother of another teammate, 17-year-old Pablo Gavi, but that was shot down as false.
With all the rumors going around, Shakira and Pique decided to confirm one and that’s the rumor that they’ve separated. They issued a joint statement and they didn’t sprinkle it with any sugary “we will continue to love and respect each other” PR shit. via People:
“We regret to confirm that we are separating. We ask for privacy at this moment for the well-being of our children, who are our maximum priority. Thank you in advance for your understanding and respect.”
Some of Shakira’s fans saw this split announcement coming because of the lyrics in her new song Te Felicito with Rauw Alejandro. Part of the lyrics go like this, via People:
“For completing you I broke into pieces/They warned me, but I did not pay attention,” she sings. “I realized that yours is false/It was the drop that overflowed the glass/Do not tell me you’re sorry, that seems sincere, but I know you well and I know you lie.”
And another layer of DRAMA was added to this mess when ¡Hola! magazine published pictures of Shakira crying in an ambulance in Barcelona and it was speculated that she had an anxiety attack over her break-up. But Shakira cleared up that rumor by tweeting that her father got hurt in a bad fall and she rode with him in the ambulance to the hospital.
— Shakira (@shakira) June 4, 2022
Nosy tricks also noticed that Shakira recently started following hot pieces like Henry Cavill and Chris Evans on Instagram so they think she’s on the lookout for a celebrity rebound piece to help her wash out the stench of Pique’s alleged cheating ass. Well, if that’s the case, then for Shakira’s sake, it’s too bad that Willie Nelson is married. Because if Shakira and Willie joined forces, every tax system in the world would crumble into dust. And Shakira can’t be investigated for tax messiness if the tax system doesn’t exist anymore. One less thing for her to worry about!