Category: Dumb Criminals

The NYPD Wants To Talk To Travis Scott Because He’s The Suspect In An Assault Investigation

March 1, 2023 / Posted by:

Whether you’re in the air or on land, it seems like no one’s safe from being personally victimized by Travis Scott. He’ll unapologetically fuck up your ozone. Lives hang in the balance when he desires to funnel a crowd’s potentially deadly energy into enhancing the high he gets from huffing his own despicably dangerous fumes. And if you’re working behind the scenes of one of his auto-tuned mess performances, evidently, it’s best to keep your head on a swivel; because early this morning, Travis allegedly got in “sicko mode” and punched a sound engineer in the face and caused thousands of dollars of damage to equipment after he took the stage at an NYC club. He then fled, and now the NYPD would like a word.

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Open Post: Hosted By The Thief Who Hid In A Giant Teddy Bear

August 14, 2022 / Posted by:

If you’ve just been to the local county fair and your hot crush just won you one of those huge novelty teddy bears at the ring toss booth, I have some horrifying news for you. It may contain a whole man who is hiding from the law! Such was the case in Manchester, England. A suspected thief was out of options when running from the law and thought maybe a giant bear would be his ticket to freedom. You can guess how this turned out.

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A Woman Set Fire To The Wrong House While Trying To Get Revenge On Her Ex-Boyfriend

July 28, 2022 / Posted by:

When I think “revenge arson,” I think of Angela Bassett torching her ex’s car in Waiting to Exhale, or Lisa “Left Eye” Lopes burning down her boyfriend’s mansion in 1994. Maybe 49-year-old North Carolina resident Christie Jones was inspired by those iconic spurned women when she attempted to burn down her own ex-boyfriend’s house last Friday morning. Unfortunately, Christie’s plan for revenge had one fatal flaw: she got the wrong house. Continue reading

The Author Of An Essay Titled “How To Murder Your Husband” Was Found Guilty Of Murdering Her Husband

May 26, 2022 / Posted by:

Giving big O.J. Simpson If I Did it: Confessions of the Killer evil energy but in the reverse order, an author who first wrote an essay giving hot tips on the best way to take out your husband was then found guilty of—wait for it—murdering her husband. Yesterday morning in Oregon, a jury found 71-year-old self-published romance novelist Nancy Crampton Brophy guilty of the June 2018 fatal shooting of her husband, chef, and culinary instructor Dan Brophy, according to People. 

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Open Post: Hosted By The Bank Robber With Terrible Penmanship

August 17, 2021 / Posted by:

Back in March, English retiree, Alan Slattery was a man with a plan: walk into an Eastbourne bank, give the teller a threatening note that demanded money, and exit a slightly richer man. Alas, Alan’s robbery attempt was foiled by his messy penmanship; employees couldn’t figure out what his note said.

“Your sereen won’t stop whet 9vo sot. Just hard over the 10s and 20s. Think olout the customer’s”? Nope, it’s supposed to read: “You screen won’t stop what I’ve got. Just hand over the 10s and 20s. Think about the customers.” And Alan is 67 years old! Meaning he would’ve been taught proper cursive in school. I weep for the Gen-Z bank robbers of tomorrow, whose notes will be illegible chicken scratches featuring crudely drawn skull emojis.

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Open Post: Hosted By The Unicorn Clues Left By Criminals In Colorado

August 7, 2021 / Posted by:

The unicorn figurine in this pic looks like something out of Mariah Carey‘s closet after being on the receiving end of a unicorn bukkake party. But it’s just a cruel tease, because this particular psychedelic and mythical beast was nowhere near Mimi’s enchanted butterfly fairy HQ. According to CBS Denver, it was just one of several bizarre and identifying afterthoughts left by a trio of spectacularly dumb criminals in Boulder, Colorado.

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