Here’s pictures of Amber Heard leaving the courthouse in L.A. today after a judge gave a thumbs up to her request for a temporary restraining order against Johnny Depp. Amber asked for the restraining order after Johnny allegedly hit her with an iPhone, and she says it’s not the first time he attacked her. In Disney’s offices somewhere, executives are wondering how long it will take to cut Johnny Depp completely out of Alice Through The Looking Glass. If they did, the movie would probably be 15 minutes long, and judging by the reviews, that may not be such a bad thing.

Amber showed the judge the bruises on her face she says Johnny gave her on Saturday night, one day after his mother died and two days before she filed for divorce. Amber also gave the court more pictures of injuries she got from Johnny allegedly attacking her, and she says she has video too. TMZ adds that Amber claims in documents she filed today that throughout their entire relationship Johnny was a mean drunk who abused her with his words and hands many times.

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The vaginas of Tumblr are collectively shaking. Just like how James Bond prefers his martinis.

There was a rumor that Daniel Craig was offered $100 million to play Bond two more times, but he turned down that offer, because he’s completely over wearing a tux and fake fucking Bond Girls. Or he turned it down because he has realized that money is the root of all evil and he’s giving his entire fortune away to charity before he begins his pure life in a nudist colony in the middle of the forest somewhere. If that’s the case, I’ll also be giving away my fortune (of a raggedy She-Ra action figure and a checking account with a negative balance) to join him.

But really, the site Birth. Movies. Death claims that producers have seriously begun talking to Tom Hiddleston about taking over as Bond. Shit is so serious that Tom isn’t in beginners talks, or even in intermediate talks. He’s in ADVANCED talks with producers.

Choosing words carefully, our source confirms that while talks have indeed taken place, and that Hiddleston very much wants the job (a fact of which he’s made no secret), no official offer has been made – yet.

B.M.D. thinks that either Daniel Craig has definitely hung up his Bond swim chonies for good and the role is open. Or they think that producers are talking to other actors so that Daniel Craig realizes they’re looking to replace him and signs another contract. You know, kind of like the time when you wanted to get your ex-piece to take you back, so you tried to make him jealous by showing up to the club with a hot Craigslist hustler you paid to hump on you? What? Just me? Okay.

If any of this is true, then Idris Elba is being robbed, which is very “street” of those producers.

The producers probably want Tom Hiddleston, because they know that if they include at least one scene where he exposes his ass cheeks, they’ll make $1 billion in one weekend. All of the Hiddlestoners will watch and pay to see every screening until their coochies explode, and even then, they’ll just slap a Band-Aid on it and watch the next screening. There’s also reports that Jamie Bell is in talks to play Bond. Idris Elba is my only real choice for Bond, but I wouldn’t mind seeing Billy Elliot either. I mean, imagine how Billy Elliot would stun his enemies with his jazz hands and fly kicks? Dance, Bond, dance!

Pics: Wenn.com

Earlier today, Rihanna was seen leaving a photo shoot in New York wearing the ensemble above, and it’s pretty clear she’s not at risk of losing her title of Her Royal Highness of Not Giving A Fuck anytime soon. The photo agency where I got these pictures says that RiRi was leaving a 20-hour photo shoot, which would probably explain why she looks like she’s ready to crawl her ass into a giant bed with a Glo Worm stuffed with weed and set her phone to Do Not Fucking Disturb.

Really, that’s the only reason I can think of for why Rihanna would be in a bathrobe and a pair of shower sandals in public in broad daylight. The only other explanation I can come up with is that Rihanna is secretly a mother of three, and one of her kids forgot their lunch, so she’s driving it to school. Unfortunately for her kid, Mama RiRi doesn’t get dressed until she’s seen the second cooking segment of Racheal Ray, which means lunch is being delivered in a robe and slippers. I bet there’s a clump of balled-up tissues in that front pocket too.

But she’s wearing sunglasses, which means no one will notice that she’s in a bathrobe and slippies. I too have labored under the delusion that expensive sunglasses have the magical power to forgive your fashion transgressions. I don’t know why, but they just do. Sunglasses absorb shame.

Pics: Splash

Alaska’s pride of teen abstinence Bristol Palin and her family have a reason to celebrate just a little bit harder than they usually would this weekend, and it has nothing to do with Sarah Palin’s extra-hard Memorial Day Loose Moose Punch.

TMZ says that Bristol and Levi Johnston, the father of her 7-year-old son Tripp, were recently in court again. The last time they went to court, Levi was granted joint custody after years of Bristol and her family allegedly making it a pain in the ass for him to get in some regular daddy visits. This time it was Bristol’s turn to do the Wasilla victory dance (which I imagine is just drunk-grinding against a truck bumper). Bristol was looking for $61,915.20 worth of unpaid child support from Levi, and a judge gave it to her.

Bristol and Levi are reportedly playing nice for now, and the unpaid child support was the last thing they had to clean up before they could move on. I really want to make a joke about how there’s no way a dude who had to move in with his mother will pay back several thousands of dollars, but a source tells TMZ that he’s actually trying. He’s been making regular child support payments and is starting to chip away at that $62,000 he owes Bristol.

As for Bristol’s other baby daddy, Dakota Meyer, their custody drama is over too. They recently worked their shit out, and things are apparently now good between them too.

I don’t know how I feel about this. On the one hand, I’m all for getting money that is owed to you. Especially when it’s in the $62,000 range. I’m also on Team Parents Getting Along. But something about this feels weird. It’s a real “If a tree falls in the forest” situation. Like, if Bristol Palin isn’t publicly fighting with one of her baby daddies, does she even exist at all? I can’t say for sure, but there definitely feels like there might be a disturbance in the trashy mommy force.

Pic: Instagram

Just when I was working on a post about a story from Page Six and thinking to myself, “This is going to get even messier,” an extra thick layer of pure messiness landed in my inbox when both TMZ and People reported that Amber Heard wants a restraining order against Johnny Depp because he allegedly attacked her recently and also throughout their 15 month marriage. To think, he looks like a fragile pepaw hobo being helped by a gracious Amish missionary in that picture, but Amber claims he’s a lady beater.

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I know this could literally be a picture of any family at The Cheesecake Factory, but it’s not. The giant in jeans and cowboy boots on the left is Blake Shelton. The blonde on the right is Gwen Stefani. The tiny humans gathered around her are her children. This picture makes me angry, because the closest Cheesecake Factory to me is a two hour drive away. It also makes Gavin Rossdale angry, but it has nothing to do with the fact that he isn’t currently eating a plate of Chicken Bellagio.

According to In Touch, Gwen’s ex-husband isn’t happy that she has brought their three kids into her questionably-authentic relationship with Blake Shelton. A source claims that Gavin isn’t exactly here for Gwen and Blake’s relationship to begin with, which is fine, because I don’t think anybody really gets the warm fuzzies when they see their ex gushing over someone new. But he’s especially not here for Gwen’s new boyfriend getting all “Y’all critters can call me Uncle Blakey” with their sons Kingston, Zuma, and Apollo Rossdale. The source says:

“Gavin doesn’t agree with [Gwen] having a relationship with Blake, and he doesn’t like her bringing the kids around him.”

Well that’s kind of rich coming from the guy who was introduced to his side-piece through his kids. As for why he’s so worried about Blake showing up to soccer practice and tagging along on Cheesecake Factory night, a source tells E! News that it’s probably because he’s not thinking about much else these days.

“All Gavin is concerned about right now is protecting his kids. He is a fantastic father and his kids have been going through a hard time.”

I don’t know if Gavin needs to stress so much about his kids hanging out with Mommy’s new boyfriend. Who knows? Maybe she didn’t introduce him as her boyfriend. Maybe her kids just know him as “Mommy’s special country singing TV friend” who comes over to the house and “promote each other’s new albums” in the office. I’d say that’s the power of the innocence of children, but to be honest, I’m pretty sure that’s all they’re doing.

Pic: Splash