Your Honor, Mr. Hasselhoff can no longer afford to pay his ex $21,000 per month. This picture shows the only kinds of jobs he’s being offered these days. – Beezers

Upvote winner:

No matter how fast he pedals, Lance Armstrong can’t escape his demons. – parissucksliterally

Pic: Break

Gail Edwards!

I’ll keep this simple, because the words “Gail Edwards as Hot Slut of the Day” explain themselves, but here’s 4 reasons why we should pay tribute to Jennifer Grey’s hair twin:

1. Gail Edwards played Dot (pic on the left) in all 6 seasons of the underrated 80s television masterpiece It’s A Living. Since chokers have been back in for a while, every time I see a youngin’ wearing one, I want to take her aside and tell her, “You tried it, but THIS is how you work a choker,” while showing her a picture of the cast of It’s A Living.
2. Gail Edwards played Danny Tanner’s serious news journalist fiancee Vicky Larson (pic on the right) for a few seasons on Full House. I don’t remember if she had any scenes with Kimmy Gibbler, but she breathed in the same studio air as Kimmy, so that makes her one of God’s special children.
3. Gail Edwards played Six’s mom on a handful of episodes of Blossom.

And the 4th reason is that Gail Edwards retired from the TV acting game in 1994 after she finished up in Blossom and Full House. That is the definition of “going out when you’re on top.” Because when you’ve done It’s A Living, Full House and Blossom, it’s all a steep downhill from there.

Siouxsie Sioux (59)
Lily-Rose Depp (17)
Chris Colfer (26)
Ben Feldman (36)
Michael Steger (36)
Shanola Hampton (39)
Jamie Oliver (41)
Andre 3000 (41)
Jadakiss (41)
Denise Van Outen (42)
Jack McBrayer (43)
Jace Everett (44)
Paul Bettany (45)
Joseph Fiennes (46)
Todd Bridges (51)
Adam Carolla (52)
Peri Gilpin (55)
Cynthia McFadden (60)
Richard Schiff (61)
Louis Gossett Jr. (80)
Lee Meriwether (81)
Sumner Redstone (93)

“If this motherfucker makes me address him as Oscar winner™ Leonardo DiCaprio one more damn time…” – that skinny model type riding next to Leonardo DiCatchAHo who is having the time of his life – Lainey Gossip

Bitches Got Sued: The Terry and Heather Dubrow Edition – Reality Tea

I see that Zayn Malik and Gigi Hadid’s contract renegotiations may have broken down – Celebitchy

My eyes really don’t know where to settle on this picture of RiRi, so I’m just going to go ahead and settle them on that wheelchair access button – Drunken Stepfather

Okay, but does a human puppy wake your ass up in the middle of the night by digging on the bed and do they decide to take the messiest shit possible during the one walk you forget to bring a poop bag to? If the answer to both of those questions is no, then I may need to trade in my real dog for a human dog – Egotastic!

This rumor will come to such a shock to you that you will spit out the lawyer dick you’re sucking as payment for representation in your murder trial – The Superficial 

Sophie Turner guessed that the X-Men movie she’s in would be the worst one. She’s slycic, obviously – IDLYITW

What in grandma’s Easter tablecloth HELL is Emilia Clarke wearing? – Popoholic

Goopy Paltrow and Chris Martin have finally finished up their divorce settlement. I wonder who got custody of Uncle Jay-Z? – HuffPo

An evil gay billionaire mogul is trying to destroy Gawker – Towleroad

Leona Lewis got a job as Grizabella in Cats on Broadway – Jezebel

Jose Canseco’s daughter got a job modeling swimsuits – Hollywood Tuna

Now that Lamar Odom’s storyline on Krapping Up the Kuntrashians is over, Khlozilla can finally file for divorce again – Starcasm

Nashville may live on – Just Jared

And I’m sure that the “Shit Shit Shit” remix of Adele’s song “Million Years Ago” is going to sell 3 million copies – Popsugar

Pic: Splash

Earlier today, I posted a story from TMZ about how Johnny Depp’s mother Betty Sue Palmer probably sang out, “hallelujaaaaaaah,” with the angels in heaven when that gold digging succubus hussy skank Amber Heard filed for divorce from her son. The story went that Betty Sue told Amber to her face that she’s a “terrible person” and that Johnny’s sisters and children agreed. But now TMZ and People are telling Amber’s side and it’s completely different. Imagine that.

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I don’t know if that middle finger is deliberate or accidental, but since this is a story about how much Robin Wright dislikes Sean Penn, it’s more fun to pretend it’s deliberate.

When Sean Penn’s latest film, The Last Face, premiered at Cannes, the critics thought it was stinkier than the stink-eye Charlize Theron gave him at the premiere. If Sean Penn cared about the reviews and had enough moisture in his dehydrated tear ducts to cry, I’m sure the LOLs and boooos would have triggered a few salty ones to roll down his face. Well, Sean’s ex-wife Robin Wright is loving all the bad reviews.

A source tells Page Six that Robin had been trying to develop The Last Face for years, and it was sort of a passion project for her. She apparently planned on starring in it with Ryan Gosling and Javier Bardem (who did end up being in it), but couldn’t secure the financing for it. After Sean and Robin split up in 2010, he went ahead and obtained the rights to The Last Face. Damn, I knew Sean Penn was cold, but I didn’t realize he was steal-a-script cold.

Page Six claims that the source told them several years ago that Robin was sure Sean optioned the script for The Last Face just to be a vindictive twat. They also say that Robin was really depressed at the thought of it being a success and Charlize winning an Oscar for it. The Last Face currently holds a rating of 7% on Rotten Tomatoes, so I don’t think she has to worry about that. But her frown turned upside down when she found out The Last Face was a bonafide flop at Cannes.

“Robin is thrilled the movie bombed. She has too much class to say so publicly, but this was her baby.”

Another source says that watching her ex-husband crash and burn so shortly after it was revealed that she had successfully increased the numbers on her House of Cards paycheck has got her “quietly smirking while smoking by a window.” I don’t know if that’s a metaphor or she’s literally smirking while smoking at a window, but it sounds like the definition of living your best life. Every SuperSoul Sunday should end with Oprah wishing you a smirk-and-smoke-by-the-window moment.

Pic: Splash