The Palin Family Might’ve Been Involved In A Good Old Fashioned Drunken Brawl At A Snowmobile Party

That headline alone should make you want to drive yourself to the ER to be treated for an overdose of class.

Several Alaskan blogs claim that the First Family of Alaskan Messiness were the stars of a drunken 20-person Saturday night brawl which ended with a shirtless Track Palin flipping people off in the street while Todd Palin held his bloody nose. Since you can see Alaska from Russia, I pray one of those Russian dash cams recorded this glorious display of pure Palin classiness.

Amanda Coyne (via Mediate) says that it all started when the Palins showed up in a stretch Hummer to an Iron Dog snowmobile party at a house in Anchorage. As soon as Track Palin got out of the Hummer, he spotted an ex-boyfriend of Willow Palin and he turned on the crazy all the way. Apparently, Track doesn’t like the dude and the two verbally fought for a bit. Their argument led to the owner of the house, 2010 Iron Dog winner Chris Olds, getting involved and that’s when shit really got real Wasilla-style.

Chris Olds should’ve armed himself with some bear spray, because as soon as he stuck his ass in the fight, Mama Grizzly got in his face and her cubs backed her up. One witness says that Bristol Palin punched Chris repeatedly as Sarah Palin screamed, “Don’t you know who I am?” The Immoral Minority says that Bristol had to be pulled off of Chris by another partygoer. Before the governor turned reality show sweetheart turned political commentator of my dreams and her family got kicked out of the party, somebody allegedly hit Todd Palin in the face and the cunt word was thrown around.

One partygoer spoke for all of us when they screamed out loud, “This isn’t some damned Hillbilly reality show!”

A rep for the Anchorage PD tells Wonkette that police did respond to a call about a huge fight at a house. The rep said that the Palins were at the house, but they wouldn’t spit out any other details. They gave this statement to The Immoral Minority:

On Saturday, September 6, 2014 just before midnight Anchorage police responded to a report of a verbal and physical altercation taking place between multiple subjects outside of a residence located on the 900 block of Harbor Circle . A preliminary investigation by police revealed that a party had been taking place at a nearby residence and a fight had broken out between multiple subjects outside of the residence. None of the involved parties wanted to press charges at the time of the incident and no arrests were made. Alcohol was believed to have been a factor in the incident. Some of the Palin family members were in attendance at the party.

I hate TLC a little more today. Those idiots screwed up again. Why did they have to cancel Sarah Palin’s reality show? Why? No, I never watched it, but I definitely would’ve watched this episode, because I haven’t lived until I’ve seen Sarah Palin pull out her Bump-It, hand it to Willow and kick off her exquisite leopard print heels before pouncing on a trick. “Hold my Bump-It, honey” could’ve been her new catchphrase. Getting into a trashy brawl at a snowmobile party IS Sarah Palin’s Alaska.

Pic: TLC