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Sweetie, darling. Get out the bolli-stoli. Patsy and Eddy are here! Well, they’re in London. But we live through the internet, so they’re basically right next to you. Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you know that the AbFab movie is less than a month away and that means they gotta pimp that shit out. Jennifer Saunders and Joanna Lumley got back into their true skins and trotted out for London Pride today.

They weren’t alone though. Sadly, they were not joined by Lulu and Eddy’s mother. Eddy and Patsy were flanked by a mini army of drag queen clones in varying degrees of Patsy and Eddy realness. No, the Queen herself wasn’t there, but with that many queens in one place does it matter? Although her lovely lime green ensemble would’ve fit in perfectly. Besides, everyone knows that Patsy and Eddy are the true queens of England! I will say that if they really wanted to take the PR for this all the way and make sure the movie is a hit, Eddy should’ve performed her smash hit “Walkin’ Down The Road” atop that float.

Pics: Wenn

Someone is fucking with me! It’s been weekend after weekend of goddamn baby announcements. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate babies (I do), but could these famous people try and push one out or announce the arrival on a weekday? Michael K and Allison aren’t plagued with the baby talk so why should I be?! Anyway, at least this baby takes us back to one of the eras I enjoy the most, 2006. Audrina “Ceiling Eyes” Patridge of The Hills, the scripted soap opera about the lives of pieces of cardboard, has given birth to a baby girl.

Audrina and her fiancé, Corey Bohan – which sounds like the French version of Cody Lohan to me – announced back in December that there was a lil’ ol’ fetus in her uterus. And now they have welcomed their first child, Kirra Max Bohan. Reps for Audrina (she still has reps? what?) confirmed to People that Kirra made her first appearance yesterday morning. They went on to say, “she’s perfectly healthy and Mom is doing great.”

Audrina made the announcement of being knocked up on Instagram with a post sponsored by Clearblue, because that is the world we live in. Last week she used Instagram again to talk about how she’ll miss having a baby growing in her:

It’s going to be weird not having a belly soon or feeling little kicks punches and hiccups allll the time, I’m so used to it now and am loving it. I’ve had a pretty good pregnancy so I’m very thankful for that and also for good genes…. Just gotta get her to flip!! I’ll post a prego update blog for all my fellow prego girls out there:)! (thanks @enviedefraise for my cute dress)

She managed to get in a plug for her dress, but I really feel like she missed an opportunity for a bigger catch with the phrase “prego girls“. There’s money to be made in pasta sauce, Audrina!

By Hollywood baby name standards, Kirra is pretty normal and isn’t even a conversation piece. But Audrina has always been the most basic of the bunch and that has paid off for little Kirra. I mean, at least she doesn’t have a name like Saylor. So congrats, Kirra!

Pic: Splash

Love may be wonderful, but easy it is not. Love takes time and effort and understanding. And sometimes, love is not enough. Sadly, today, we learn that love was not enough for yet another couple. Jermaine Jackson and Halima Rashid are getting divorced. Love may have been enough for her to embrace a California Raisin with Sharpie’d on hair, but it wasn’t enough to keep them together forever.

Halima spoke to People and said:

With a great amount of sorrow and regret, I today announce that I am filing for divorce from Jermaine Jackson. We have enjoyed many good times during our marriage of nearly 12 years, but we have reached a point where our lives would be better and more productive if we are not married. I respect and care for Jermaine and his legendary family, and feel blessed to have been a part of the Jacksons. At this time, I ask that our friends, family members and the media respect the difficulty of this decision and allow us privacy as we move on with our lives. Thank you very much.

Halima filed the papers for divorce and Tuesday, citing irreconcilable differences. Halima, I feel you. I too have irreconcilable differences with hair that comes in a spray can and lead based paint used as makeup. In the papers, Halima states November 28, 2015 as the date of separation. The two do not have any children but Halima is requesting spousal support.

This spousal support smells likes it’s going to be ten layers of mess. Halima was arrested in December for domestic abuse after the two got into a fight. Allegedly, it was so bad she bit his leg. And Jermaine doesn’t exactly have the greatest track record when it comes to paying exes. His ex-wife, Alejandra Jackson, had to go so far as to have his wages garnished to get the money he owed her for child support for Jermajesty (WHY?) and Jaafar (DOUBLE FUCKING WHY?). That’s despite the fact that he goes around buying Ferraris. Halima, my dear friend (no, I don’t know her), good luck with that. Even Detective LaToya would have a hell of a time finding money for Jermaine to pay you with.

Pic: Splash

It’s absolutely incredible the empire American Girl dolls has built. There’s the doll itself that comes with a whole story and life and her little accessories, but then there are endless possibilities. You can buy her an entire world full of furniture and clothes and friends. Beyond the large scope of imagination it provides for children, the company is astounding because of the fuckload of money its made. Much like Taylor Swift, living American Girl doll. And now, she’s really upped the ante with her latest accessory, Tom Hiddleston, by playing with him in the “meet your boyfriend’s mother for super natural looking photos” playset!

After meeting her parents in Nashville and Tom embarrassing himself at the Selena Gomez concert, The Daily Mail says that they jetted off to England to meet his mother, Diana.

Taylor Swift whisks Tom Hiddleston to the UK to meet his mother https://t.co/4varVVPtD8 pic.twitter.com/HZK7z9MtAj

— Daily Mail Celebrity (@DailyMailCeleb) June 25, 2016

The two arrived there yesterday and they spent super private time with his mom in front of the paparazzi before driving around his hometown of Suffolk. Taylor brought Tom’s mom gifts. After their leisurely and spontaneous stroll, Tom drove Taylor around in a very James Bond-esque (cast him already!) Jaguar and showed her his favorite spots. Like a gas station where he got them coffee. Nothing screams Harlequin romance like a quick cup of piss joe at a gas station.

When it comes down to it, I kind of admire Taylor and I can’t believe I typed that. At least she’s the kind of master puppeteer who puts out dumb and sappy entertainment into the world, which it kind of needs at the moment. Maybe Taylor’s presence in the UK will somehow rework Brexit. Or maybe she’ll just buy Buckingham Palace, rename it Pretty Pretty Princess Palace and live happily ever after with her fully posable Prince Charming.

Pic: FameFlynet

Oh here go hell come… Oh dear me… While the nuns are busy trying to figure out how to solve a problem like Maria, I’m scratching my head trying to figure out how to solve a problem like Kanye West. Do we give him a time out? Do we just pretend he’s not here and eventually he’ll just stop the tantrums? Or do we just acknowledge him and say “good job, sweetie. Now mommy has to work, so shhhhhh”? Whatever the solution, today we come to the part of the show where he pulls his pants down at the dinner party and says “LOOK!” Kanye West has released his video for “Famous” (the song which features Rihanna and Swizz Beatz and includes a line about making Taylor Swift famous) unto the world.

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