Party Like It’s 2006 Again! Ceiling Eyes Is Knocked Up!

December 18, 2015 / Posted by:

It’s almost Christmas, so this is the kind of “news” I have to work with, okay? But seriously, last Friday I posted about the crumbling of the fame whore kingdom called Kitson, so let’s make it another Flashback Friday by going back to 2006 to check in with Ceiling Eyes!

Audrina Patridge, the wilted lettuce in the basic bitch salad that was The Hills, recently got engaged to her on-and-off boyfriend of 7 years Corey Bohan (which sounds like what a drunken and slurring White Oprah calls her son Cody Lohan). Today, 30-year-old Audrina announced that she and 33-year-old Corey are going to be parents. Audrina doesn’t make millions upon millions of dollars from selling ugly sequined crap at Kohl’s like Lauren Conrad and she doesn’t have a multi-million dollar music empire like Heidi Montag, so she has to hustle hard for that money. Ceiling Eyes announced her happy baby news in an Instagram ad sponsored by #ClearblueConfirmed! When your AMEX bill is past due, you do what you gotta do to make a payment even if that includes showing off your sponsored piss stick. And it is never too early to pimp out your baby.

I finally figured out what to get Corey for Christmas! #babyontheway #ClearblueConfirmed #ad (blog post with all the details will be up today, couldn’t wait to share the news with you all:)! Xoxo

Get that quick check, Ceiling Eyes! She also better get Diclegis to sponsor a picture of her morning sickness barfs and get Cortizone to sponsor a picture of her itchy nipples.

On another note, the Ceiling Eyes baby is going to be the luckiest child in the world and mostly because it’s grandmother is a bright and articulate shining star who oozes elegance, charisma, cigarette ash and six different kinds of booze. Whenever anyone posts anything about Audrina, they have to post this legendary video of the real star of her family: her mom! Martin Luther King Jr. and Winston Churchill probably wish that Mama Ceiling Eyes was their speechwriter, because she has a way with words.

If Ceiling Eyes wants to do what’s right, she’d name her baby Jibby Kibble Patridge Bohan.


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