Open Post: Hosted By A Squitten

July 19, 2016 / Posted by:

I almost called this squirrel kitten a “squirrtten,” but this is a family post, which is why I also won’t make a “squirrel rubbing on pussy” joke.

After posting about horrific crap like Bill Cosby, Roger Ailes and the Kartrashians, we need a Hazmat-grade palate cleanser, and since a video of Idris Elba playing patty cake with a puppy friend doesn’t exist yet, we have to settle for the next best thing: this viral video of an imposter trying to be slick by passing itself off as a kitten.

Bethe Gettle of Pine Grove, PA brought another “squirrel who thinks it’s cat” story into our lives by sending a special video to her local news station WGAL. Bethe says that for the past week, a squirrel has been cuddling up to a litter of kittens in her friend’s backyard. This squirrel’s kitten disguise sucks (like bitch didn’t even try), but at least it has the act down. It is relaxing just like a kitten, while thinking to itself, “I’ve got these dumbasses fooled.”

Bethe added this note on FB:

“Giving everyone a positive story from backyard USA was exactly the goal when I shared this video. Yes typically speaking, a squirrel would usually be dinner for the cat. In this rare case, the squirrel isn’t dinner.”

Why did Bethe have to put that dark-sided thought into my brain? My brain was almost cleansed after watching that bit of love, and now I’m picturing the mom cat eating the squirrel and mouth feeding her leftovers to her pussy chirrun. No, no, that’s not going to happen. That squirrel will be raised a cat and will be adopted by a loving family who will pimp it out on Instagram and force it to star in a shitty Lifetime Christmas movie. In other words, that squitten is going to have a real happy ending!

via NYDN

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