Open Post: Hosted By Third Wheel Tay Tay
I should slap myself with a bottle of cucumber melon lotion (which you know is Taylor Swift’s favorite scent because it would be) for writing that headline. Taylor Swift is nobody’s third wheel! Taylor Swift is a superstar unicycle and that Dollar Tree Helena Christensen named Gigi Hadid and Zayn Malik are her second and third wheels!
Karlie Kloss’ position as the highest ranking model friend in Tay Tay’s squad must have dropped and Gigi Hadid must have replaced her. Because Taylor went to the show for Gigi’s collection for Tommy Hillfiger over the weekend, and last night the two had dinner with Zayn. And the “Rhoda going boating” mess of a dress that Taylor is wearing is from Gigi’s collection. So Taylor must really want to show us how good she is at friendship-ing if she wore that ugly shit out in public.
The next time Taylor does a photo-op pap strut with Gigi, the two should probably coordinate looks. Because while Gigi looks like a sad goth in body bag pants, Taylor looks like a high school English teacher who does astrology charts for her students after class. Taylor also looks like a mom chaperoning her daughter and her daughter’s boyfriend on a date. And Gigi and Zayn look like the daughter and daughter’s boyfriend who just did drugs in the bathroom and are trying hard to look sober in front of Mrs. Swift.
Pics: Splash
Amanda Seyfried Is Getting Married To Her Boyfriend Of Six Months
Her bofyriend of six months depending on who you’re talking to. I’m sure there’s someone out there who is thinking “Hmm, six months? Before or after he got divorced?” All that we know for sure is that Amanda Seyfried is engaged to Matt from Life in Pieces, aka Thomas Sadoski.
Tidal’s Waves Are Full Of Debt!
Ever since Tidal’s grand launch last year, it’s been hit with shit news after shit news and it looks like it’s been living up to its name by turning out to be a disaster.
It was reported that Tidal let go of its CEO and 25 employees and later pink-slipped even more employees. It was also reported that Jay-Z was about to sue Tidal’s previous owners for inflating the number of subscribers they claimed they had. And now a business newspaper from Norway, where Tidal has offices, says that the streaming service that was supposed to drown Spotify lost millions of dollars last year. We all knew shit was probably not going to go well for Tidal when Madge put her knee on the table and sprawled herself out while signing some kind of contract during its weird launch. That was a bad, bad omen.
Here We Go Again: Emma Roberts And Evan Peters Are Back Together
Hot weirdo Evan Peters and Julia Roberts’ maybe-crazy niece Emma Roberts called it quits for the 1.7 millionth time back in May. If American Horror Story ever did a season based around Groundhog Day, this would be the B storyline. Because once again, Emma Roberts and Evan Peters are back together.
Amber Heard’s Divorce From Johnny Depp Actually Cost Her Money, So Says Her Friend
Amber Heard’s friend and Johnny Depp’s ex-friend, iO Tillett Wright (which again is not the name of Apple’s new operating system) was one of the first to defend Amber after she was accused of being a manipulative gold digging succubus who was trying to siphon coins out of poor and innocent Johnny Depp. iO wrote an essay back in June where he said that he lived with Amber and Johnny for about a year, and knew Johnny to be a gentle soul with a temper. iO didn’t think that Johnny had any Ike Turner in him until he saw the aftermath of Johnny’s alleged attacks on Amber.
iO, who is a writer, activist and co-hosts MTV’s Suspect, is releasing his memoirs, Darling Days, later this month and hawked it in an interview with The Sunday Times. During that interview, iO talked about Amber and Johnny, and said that being married to the mumbling pile of scarves didn’t put money in Amber’s checking account. It actually did the opposite.
Drake’s Neighbors Can’t Complain About The Noise Because He Bought Their House
Back in 2015, Drake appeared on a track by Future called “Where Ya At” in which he rapped the lyric: “I’ll buy the neighbor’s house if they complain about the noise.” I could never picture the sensitive and polite Prince of The 6 being anything but the perfect neighbor. But one of Drake’s Being Erica viewing parties must have gotten a little too noisy one night (screaming at your guests to use a damn coaster will do that), because according to Trulia, he recently bought his neighbor’s house.
Drake bought a seven-bedroom mansion in Hidden Hills, CA four years ago. Seven bedrooms clearly isn’t enough room for Drake, and this summer he purchased the four-bedroom house right beside it for $2.85 million. Drake’s new house comes with a guest house and a pool. Drake’s first house has a pool too. Who knows if this new pool is also bigger than Kanye’s pool. I’m guessing the old pool will be reserved for shallow-end rim jobs and the new pool will be where Drake floats around on his Toronto Raptors pool floatie in quiet self-reflection. Very smart, Drake.
If Drake bought his neighbor’s house, because they complained about the noise and he wanted to be done with them, then I’d really love to know what was the final nail in the noisy coffin was. My guess is it involved Drake’s neighbors knocking on his door at 3am after he arrived home from a club date with Rihanna to complain about how loud he was singing “I Could Have Danced All Night” from My Fair Lady. “Drake, come on. Enough is enough. I know you’re in love, but some of us have work in the morning.”
Pic: Instagram