In my mind, that’s Hilaria Baldwin’s birthin’ pose and as she does it, Alec Baldwin stands on the other side of the delivery room waiting to catch their latest bundle of baby. Also in my mind, those two pooches are bracing themselves for a possible double yoga fart-queef attack.

58-year-old Alec Baldwin became somebody’s father for the fourth time yesterday. People says that in NYC last night, Alec’s second wife, 32-year-old Hilaria Baldwin, gave birth to a baby boy who I’m sure is already doing the one-handed tree pose in a crib.

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This may be the first time in maybe forever that Ryan Lochte’s dopey “Jeah, what’s happening?” face is the correct reaction to something. The 23rd season of Dancing with the Sure, Let’s Call Them Stars premiered last night. For the second time in as many months, Ryan Lochte found himself in another messy situation. Except this time, it really wasn’t his fault.

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Greeeeeat. Now Kylie Kartrashian has a Nip Kit. – BaconSlut

Upvote winners (it’s a tie!):

Sup bra? – watagump1.

Victor’s Secret – Matt Heart Spade

Pic: Cheezburger

The legendary Abominable Snow Monster from the computer game SkiFree!

Minecraft and Pokemon Go can fuck themselves (and thanks to the Pokemoan dildos, Pokemon Go can!), because back in the early-90s, we had a game with more technologically advanced graphics and next-level game play. And unlike that dumb Pokemon Go shit, we didn’t have to leave our house to play it. SkiFree was on Microsoft’s entertainment pack, which included other 16-bit wonders like Minesweeper and FreeCell. In SkiFree, you control a skier dude and take him down a never-ending slope while trying to get the best time as you avoid obstacles like trees, trees on meth (they move), rocks, dogs, snowboarders, slow skiers, chairlifts, stumps and a ginger mess from the future named Lindsay Lohan who mistakes the snow for coke and tries to snort it up. No, there’s no ginger mess from the future, but there is the Abominable Snow Monster, which is basically just two grey eggs with crooked fork limbs.

I never made it this far, because I was a shit SkiFree skier, but if you make it through your run without crashing into anything, the game doesn’t end. A human-hungry Yeti shows up to eat you. You have to keep him off your ass, and sometimes other Yetis show up. Here’s a clip of the Abominable Snow Monster in action, and it looks like a scene straight out of E!’s new show, Khloe and Kim Take Aspen.

I know, it’s wrong of me to compare the SkiFree Abominable Snow Monster to Khlozilla, because it looks more human-like and natural than any Kartrashian.

Jean Smart (65)
Niall Horan (23)
Ben Savage (36)
Swizz Beatz (38)
Fiona Apple (39)
Puma Swede (40)
Joe Don Rooney (41)
Stella McCartney (45)
Tyler Perry (47)
Michelle Duggar (50)
Annie Duke (51)
Jeff Ross (51)
Tavis Smiley (52)
Dave Mustaine (55)
Geri Jewell (60)
Iyanla Vanzant (63)
Randy Jones (64)
Frank Marshall (70)
Jacqueline Bisset (72)
Peter Cetera (72)
Joe E. Tata (80)
Roald Dahl (1916-1990)

Pic: eBay

Have you been thinking to yourself that you have way too much money and you want to waste some by overpaying for shit that looks like it came from The Gap outlet? Well, Goopy Paltrow is here to make your dreams come true with her new clothing line – Lainey Gossip

The look IS Lisa Vanderpump’s travelin’ ensemble, which is very “Carmen Sandiego going to a fancy witch’s funeral” – Reality Tea 

Little Koryea Kardashian isn’t even out of Blac Chyna’s body and she’s already making guest appearances on her parents’ shit show – Celebitchy

If Bella Thorne was also wearing giant aviator goggles on her head, she’d be giving us casual daytime Burning Man glamour – Drunken Stepfather

ScarJo’s Hillary Clinton circa 2006 hair gets a no from me – Popoholic

Who cares if Sporty Spice’s new song sounds like a Bruno Mars reject, she’s back! – OMG Blog

Unnamed sources and a dude claiming to be Alexis’ Arquette ex-boyfriend say that Alexis died from complications related to AIDS – Towleroad

Scene: A nana walks into her “nice” living room and screams after she sees that someone ripped off and stole the upholstery on one of her armchairs. Cut to Laura Jeanne Poon wearing that armchair upholstery as a dress to the Toronto International Film Festival – The Superficial

Lady Gaga’s coochie cutters look like a disco diaper – Hollywood Tuna 

This is a trick question because the real Marie Osmond is made of wax too – SOW

OctoMom (remember her?) is back to tell us that the character of OctoMom is dead – Starcasm

THE GREATEST SINGUH IN DA WORLD is also THE GREATEST RAPPUH IN DA WORLD – Popsugar

It only took a million years but Saturday Night Live finally added its first Latina cast member – Pajiba

Toni Basil’s still got it! – Boy Culture

Kirstie Alley is going to be a regular on season 2 of Scream Queens and will play the head crazy bitch of a hospital, a hospital that I’m sure prescribes medicine. What would L. Ron Hubbard say? – Just Jared

Pic: Goop