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Pic: Izismile

Piano Pom!

Keyboard Cat’s reign as the internet’s premiere musical virtuoso came to an end a few years ago, so we’ve all been waiting for a new piano-playing genius to rise. Enter: Piano Pom! Piano Pom’s born name is Shila and she’s a 2-year-old Instagram famous Pomeranian who lives in Istanbul, Turkey. (Side question: But aren’t all Pomeranians “Instagram famous” at one point?)

(Warning: Close your eyes if the truth about Keyboard Cat is too much for you to take this morning.) Unlike the original Keyboard Cat, who didn’t play the keyboard on his own, Piano Pom touches the piano keys on her own. Piano Pom’s human recorded video of the musical prodigy flawlessly playing an extremely complicated sonata in a sold-out recital held in one of Istanbul’s most iconic concert halls (aka her living room).

If you’re an uneducated hating trick, you’re probably calling Piano Pom a furry hack since it looks like someone is waving treats at her to get her to play. But I’ll have your ass know, that is a technique that all of the greats throughout history used. If video cell phones and YouTube existed back in the ancient times, we’d have footage of a producer or manager waving a treat at Chopin to get him to play. Now that I think about it, isn’t that how everyone’s boss gets them to do work?

via Boing Boing (for Chrissy)

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Amy Winehouse (1983-2011)

Pic: Getty

Sienna Miller and her Foxcatcher director Bennett Miller are most likely bumping sex parts full-time. In that picture, Bennett sort of looks like Mr. Sheffield from The Nanny, so I’m going to choose to believe that Sienna’s gold medal-winning home wrecking ways are back and she snatched away Fran Fine’s man! – Lainey Gossip

Emma Stone looks like she’s wearing a bunch of sequined bath mats – Celebitchy

Page Six wants you to think that Alexis Arquette was about to blow the closet door of Hollywood right open – The Superficial 

Brandi Glanville may owe a pile of money to the IRS (she denies it). If the IRS ever get to the point where they need to seize Brandi’s stuff, they should seize those busted contacts right out of her eyeballs, even though they ain’t worth shit – Reality Tea 

Bella “Model Of Many Faces” Hadid did another magazine – Drunken Stepfather

And on today’s episode of What Kind Of Foolish Hooker Mess Did Kanye West Make Kim Kartrashian Wear Today? – The Nip Slip 

Dear Natalie Portman, Bea Arthur wore it better – Popsugar

Emily RideAJetSki continues to be one of my new favorite demure roses – Popoholic

Speaking of blossoms of elegance… – Hollywood Tuna 

Someone told Gwen Stefani that doing a Harajuku girls cartoon series is a good idea – Pajiba

Michelle Obama and Ellen DeGeneres joked about Bradley Cooper’s bare ass possibly making an appearance at a White House State Dinner – Towleroad

Be right back, I need to go read all the blind items in God Today – Starcasm

Hot piece Nyle DiMarco is glad he can’t hear the dingles coming out of Jabba the Trump’s yell hole  – OMG Blog 

Panty Creamer of the Day: Jay Pharoah from Saturday Night Live got buff – Just Jared

Kendall Jenner was right, her stupid friend group name is really, really lame – IDLYITW

It looks like Martin Luther King Jr.’s dream finally came true, because according to Lil Wayne’s purple drank-infused brain racism doesn’t exist since white kids go to his shows  – HuffPo

Pic: Getty

In the first Fifty Shits of Boring movie, Dakota Johnson and pretty wooden post Jamie Dornan had the chemistry of two paper bowls full of overcooked Malt-O-Meal. I figured that the only way Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele could look less like they wanted to fuck each other is if the roles were recast with John Travolta and Kelly Preston. But it looks like the makers of the sequel Fifty Shits Darker somehow managed to make the second movie even less sexier than the first one. Congrats to them!

The trailer for Fifty Shits Darker was released today, and besides every single trick looking like their Ambien just kicked in, this mess looks like it’s part watered down remake of Eyes Wide Shut and part horror movie. There’s a helicopter crash! There’s Kim Basinger coming at Jamie Dornan while thinking to herself, “Fuck my career.” There’s an angry dude coming at Dakota. And there’s a spooky chick who keeps stalking Dakota. The producers should definitely try to re-market this as a horror movie. I mean, I have a feeling that Fifty Shits Darker is going to leave most of the audience screaming. They’ll be screaming at themselves for paying actual money for this crap, and they’ll be screaming at Kim Basinger and Hugh Dancy for needing a check that bad.

IMDB tells me that James Foley, who directed Fifty Shits Darker, also directed Who’s That Girl. The phrase “How the mighty have fallen!” has never been so fitting.

The year is 2016, so there are only two reasons for why I’d writing about Nelly. Either I’m bringing you the news that Nelly called up Kelly Rowland and in a moment of weakness she agreed to record “Dilemma Pt. 2“, or it’s because he’s currently dealing with a no-money situation. It’s the second.

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