Brace Yourselves For A Shock: Shia LaBeouf Isn’t Legally Married And Probably Did It For Attention
Shia LaBeouf and his on-and-off-again girlfriend of a few years, Mia Goth, got “married” by an Elvis impersonator in Las Vegas on Monday and it was livestreamed on TMZ, because this is the world we live in now. Sans the fact that it was livestreamed and went down on a Monday, it was my kind of wedding, because it was cheap, classy and steps away from many all-you-can-eat buffets. But as many tricks suspected, Shia and Mia’s wedding was just like his rattail: elegant but FAKE AS FUCK!
Since Shia and Mia’s Monday afternoon wedding was the celebrity event of the century decade year month day hour minute second, the clerk’s office in Clark County, Nevada got a lot of inquiries from the media. The media wanted to know if Shia and Mia got a marriage license. They didn’t. The clerk’s office looked through their records, which are public, and found no sign of a marriage license for LaDouche and MIA (which isn’t only her name, but also describes her eyebrow situation). Clark County tweeted this yesterday:
Our records show no marriage license for Shia LaBeouf & Mia Goth. A commitment ceremony was performed #Vegas pic.twitter.com/9wt5P0EoR3
— Clark County Nevada (@ClarkCountyNV) October 12, 2016
People asked Shia’s rep if it was a commitment ceremony or just another performance art piece. His rep didn’t get back to them.
Whether or not it was a real commitment ceremony between Shia and Mia, a bond was solidified in front of TMZ’s cameras on Monday afternoon in Las Vegas. Shia made a commitment to love, cherish and forever worship his real soulmate: ART! So, congratulations to Shia and his new wife, Mrs. High Art LaBeouf!
Pic: Splash
Corey Feldman Made His Grand Return To “Today”
Everything I know about reincarnation I learned from the accurate documentary Little Buddha, and in it, they say that reincarnation is when a spirit is reborn in a new body. I am now questioning the accuracy of that documentary, because they didn’t mention anything about how reincarnation can happen to somebody who is already alive. Because it can. That fact became crystal meth clear to me this morning while watching Corey Feldman’s triumphant return to Today. It’s obvious that Michael Jackson, David Bowie, Prince and Tupac have been reborn inside of Corey Feldman!
Selena Gomez Is Reportedly Back In Rehab
At the end of August, Selena Gomez announced that she was cancelling the remainder of the dates on her Revival Tour and was taking some time off to deal with the side effects of lupus. Selena was diagnosed back in 2014, and her lupus was triggering anxiety, depression, and panic attacks. Selena didn’t get into specifics about where she was going to spend her time off. Now People and UsWeekly are both reporting that part of her time off will be spent in rehab.
That’s “Nobel Prize Recipient Bob Dylan” To You
It’s my understanding that becoming a member of the EGOT club is pretty much the entertainment career equivalent to beating Bowser at the end of Super Mario 3. It’s kind of a big deal to some. Bob Dylan needs both a Tony and an Emmy to get that EGOT. But after today, I have a feeling he probably won’t be shedding any frustrated tears while writing the closing number for a Broadway musical called Blowin’ or trying to think of snappy jokes for a sitcom called Who’s The Bob?. Who cares about that Tony and Emmy? He’s in the GONP club now, and that’s way harder to get into.
The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNERS For October 12th!
On the negative side, the intervention was a complete failure. On the plus side, you’re looking at about $3,500 worth of duck liver pate. – tim
Upvote winner:
Trashcot. – FluffKitteh
Pic: uberHumor
Hot Slut Of The Day!
Buzz (as played by Buzz Belmondo) from Out Of This World!
Since every actor, producer, crew member, director, prop, costume piece, set piece and every thing else involved in the making of the 80s-90s syndicated television treasure Out Of This World deserves to be HSOTD several times over, today I’m honoring one of the show’s greatest and most random characters: Buzz! Buzz was the vaguely exotic butterfly of glamour who fluttered into a scene, dropped in some potent entertainment and bad one-liners, and then fluttered back out. He provided the show with some glamour relief.
For all four seasons of OOTW, Buzz Belmondo played Buzz, the manager of Beano’s Diet Clinic, the weight-loss center that Donna Garland’s brother, Uncle Beano, owned. Buzz’s hotness would instantly melt off the chunk from his clients’ bodies. Buzz looked like Patrick Duffy doing a bad impersonation of John Waters doing a bad impersonation of Ricky Ricardo. Buzz dressed like the maître d of Liberace’s mariachi-themed bar & grill and his accent brought out question marks from ears. It was supposed to be an unplaceable foreign accent. The 80s was all about unplaceable foreign accents. To me, it sounds like a person with a Spanish accent trying to do Balki Bartokomous’ accent.
In the clip below, skip to the 4:35 mark and prepare to pucker over all of the charisma that pours out of thee one and only Buzz!
There are 4,999,201,128 reasons to love OOTW and at the very top of that list is Buzz’s name and right under that is his exquistely-crafted Sharpie stache. Viva Buzz (and his Sharpie stache), now and forever!
Pic: Buzz-Belmondo