Corey Feldman Made His Grand Return To “Today”

October 13, 2016 / Posted by:

Everything I know about reincarnation I learned from the accurate documentary Little Buddha, and in it, they say that reincarnation is when a spirit is reborn in a new body. I am now questioning the accuracy of that documentary, because they didn’t mention anything about how reincarnation can happen to somebody who is already alive. Because it can. That fact became crystal meth clear to me this morning while watching Corey Feldman’s triumphant return to Today. It’s obvious that Michael Jackson, David Bowie, Prince and Tupac have been reborn inside of Corey Feldman!

Last month, Corey Feldman and Corey’s Angels gave us all hope about the sad state of music when they spilled out massive amounts of drama, uniqueness and artistry onto the floor at Today. Many, including me, genuinely loved it, but some hated it, because they just don’t understand or appreciate real art and weirdness. Corey read all of the hate that was thrown at him and it made him sad. Corey’s performance was Today’s most-watched of the year and those bitches could use a ratings-riser, so they brought Corey and his Angels back.

Corey told Tamron Hall that the hate he got kicked him down, but he got back up when a friend reminded him that many of the greats, like KISS and Nirvana, were hit with cuntiness at the beginning of their careers. Corey chose to let his angels pull him out of the heap of hate he was in and fly him over to Today to give the people something new. Corey yodeled out his new song Take A Stand and dedicated it to America.

“We’re doing something new that hasn’t been done before. But it’s all about innovation and being an artist, and we can’t be afraid to share our art. … This song is for America.”

Corey did it again and delivered another masterpiece performance that has been embedded into my brain for eternity. Corey’s performance is perfection from that “guppy swimming upstream” move to that “Jaye Davidson in Stargate” eye make-up game to that magnificent hair change to the political statement he makes about the election. (That’s what that flag throwing is all about, right?) Not to mention that ensemble is very “E.T. going to a rave on his home planet” and that IS the look:


That song sort of reminds me of Van Halen’s Right Now, which is fitting, because just like Crystal Pepsi, Corey and Corey Angel’s are misunderstood and one-of-a-kind.

Today has pretty much given themselves a Brazilian by getting rid of Billy Bush, and that’s the right step toward beating all of their competitors in the ratings. Now all the executives have to do is make Kathie Lee Gifford the main host of every hour and hire Corey and Corey’s Angels as their permanent house band, and their vocal cords will fly off from all of the laughing they’ll be doing while watching their competitors fall!

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