All was right in the world a few days ago when the messy piles of ick nast that our society didn’t ask for but probably deserves–Jesse James and his au courant wife Alaina “Bonnie Rotten” Hicks–had a spat that seeped out onto social media just a few days ago. It started when a pregnant Bonnie accused Jesse of cheating on her in an Instagram post, deleted the accusation, filed for divorce, and then decided to announce on Instagram that she pulled the filing. Jesse posted a public apology for the fight as well which he also ended up deleting, and then both of them bitched on Instagram about the media taking things (that they voluntarily disclosed) and running with them. But, nothing gold can stay; because apparently, Bonnie has now decided that she actually does want the divorce.

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Dizzy Dryer!

In the early-90s, Milton Bradley decided that what would bring kids hours of entertainment was a battery-operated plastic bucket that spat out balls that children had to collect off the floor and put back into the bucket. That’s how the fuckery machine that was Mr. Bucket was born. Well, Mattel must have looked at Mr. Bucket and thought, “Let’s do that but with laundry!” Because a few years later, Mattell spat out Dizzy Dryer, a game that was pretty much like Mr. Bucket. Kids tossed plastic clothes into Dizzy Dryer and watched ’em as they spun around. Never mind that this is the kind of mindless shit we did in the 90s as entertainment; Mattel truly missed an opportunity. They should’ve gotten Pete Burns to be the face of Dizzy Dryer and get Pete to yodel out the game’s theme song; You Spin Me Round (Like A Plastic Shirt).

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There’s an update on The Flash movie, and no, this isn’t an update to let you know that Warner Bros. dumped that shit into The Trash. The Flash is still happening, and in fact, it’s happening sooner. Warner Bros. has moved its release date up a week from June 23, 2023 to June 16, 2023. That’s good news for the poor security guard who Warner Bros. hired to watch Ezra Miller as they’re tied up in a basement somewhere. I mean, I’m assuming that Warner Bros. has Ezra tied up somewhere since that piece of smegma has been very quiet lately, and people are almost starting to feel safe again to step out in Hawaii, Iceland, and Vermont. I said almost!  – Just Jared

Gabourey Sidibe got secret married to her man Brandon Frankel a year ago. But Gabourey doesn’t really like weddings, so they got hitched at their kitchen table, and it was just the two of them. Because their marriage ceremony was so low-key, People Magazine sadly wasn’t there to get pictures of naked Brandon holding up two balloons that read “I DO!” over his crotch during their vows – Lainey Gossip

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2024 Presidential hopeful Kanye West may be mentally unhinged, but that never stopped the previous administration from trying to rebrand the White House as the Caucasian Home For The Criminally Insane. However, Kanye’s primary obstacle isn’t the color of his skin, rather, it’s the shallowness of his pockets and the limits of his own imagination. TMZ reports that Kanye imagined his fledgling campaign staff would work for free, however, in reality, Milo Yiannopoulous, one of Kanye’s chief leeches, has invoiced him for $116,000 after getting fired (and/or quitting, depending on who you ask) this week. And here I thought my salad days of political reporting ended in a parking lot in front of Four Seasons Total Landscaping. Suck it, boomers! There’s a new generation of charlatans, hucksters, and utterly deranged lunatics with broken brains ready to throw it all away for a shot at ruining things for the rest of us. USA! USA!

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Climate criminals Kylie Jenner and Travis Scott still don’t give a hoot if you think they’re climate criminals. Back in July, these two got shit when Kylie posted a pic of her and Travis kissing in front of two private jets. The caption read, “you wanna take mine or yours?” People accused Kylie of bragging about something that destroys the planet. Then fans dug into her private flight history, and discovered that Kylie regularly took flights that lasted less than 15 minutes. Neither Kylie or Travis commented on the controversy, and now, five months later, they’re back to their old tricks. Buzzfeed reports that, on December 2, 25-year-old Kylie took her private jet from Miami to Van Nuys, California. Shortly after, 31-year-old Travis made the exact same trip on his jet. Each 5-hour trip used over 15,000 pounds of jet fuel and emitted 25 tons of carbon dioxide. But, hey, at least the couple didn’t have to make awkward small talk during the flight. “So, um… Travis, was it? Do you have any hobbies? Other than being a giant piece of shit?” Continue reading