If you have three and a half hours of your day to sit through a movie that’s a visual representation of what happens after sprinkling MiracleGro on the Smurf Village, then you need to see Avatar: The Way Of Water immediately. Since its release in December of last year, the film has become an international success, which must keep director James Cameron moooo-ing with pride as the cash cow of Tinsel Town. But one of his other films, Titanic, featured a different kind of blue people (the frozen kind). And it has sunken down one slot to become the fourth highest-grossing film of all time since The Way of Water has gone on to make a whopping $2.2433 billion at the worldwide box office and is locked in at the number three slot.

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Sunday night’s BAFTA Awards featured a opening musical number performed by Oscar-winning triple threat Ariana DeBose. After host Richard E. Grant (mmmm [just me?]) kicked off the show with a monologue, 32-year-old Ariana burst onto the stage with her back-up dancers and sang “Sisters Are Doing It For Themselves” and “We Are Family”. OK, sure! But it’s what happened next that shook viewers to their core. Ariana transitioned into an original rap saluting the award show’s female nominees. By this point, our gal was out of breath. As she struggled to spit out lyrics like, “Hong Chau, Dolly de, Kerry and Carey with a C!”, the BAFTA director insisted on cutting to every woman Ariana namechecked. Their reactions ranged from unimpressed (Ana de Armas), concerned (Kerry Condon), to politely supportive (Emma Thompson). Even though the performance was a damn mess, the BAFTAs believed it was “iconic,” and posted a clip to their Twitter page. Big mistake, HUGE. Twitter did what Twitter does, and completely eviscerated poor Ariana and the rap. Continue reading

Even though being a mean drunk (and believing her late husband visits her as balloons) is pretty much her entire persona, Dorinda Medley was “put on pause” from The Real Housewives of New York City back in 2020 amid rumors that the cast and crew were tired of her drunken antics. And it seems like she might not have grown much in that area, because Page Six reported that over the weekend, Dorinda was kicked out of her RHONY castmate Luann de Lessups’ weirdly unironically successful cabaret show, Countess and Friends. Dorinda then took to Instagram Live to give a pretty unconvincing denial of getting the boot.  

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Hot Pockets Toaster Breaks!

Hot Pockets debuted 40 years ago and quickly became one of the go-to-meals we latchkey kids could quickly whip up ourselves when our parents didn’t have time to make us shit for dinner or lunch. Parents could always count on a Hot Pocket (which is as gourmet as Chef Boyardee’s culo tunnel) to provide us with gourmet nutritiousness in minutes. But you needed a microwave or a toaster oven to make a Hot Pocket. And it took Nestle, the makers of Hot Pockets, over ten years to bring that deliciousness into homes that didn’t have a microwave when they intorudced Hot Pockets Toaster Breaks!

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SCANDAL hit the BAFTAs this weekend when Prince William and Kate Middleton showed up, and she tried to hold his hand before patting him on the ass instead. I don’t know why Kate didn’t go for his ass first. She knows he’s really into butt fun! But seriously, how did the monarchy not completely crumble into a million pieces over the scandalous weight of all that raunchy PDA from those two shamelessly horny royal sluts? – Entertainment Tonight

The Ninth Circle’s one puffy coat store must be doing major business today since Hell has obviously frozen entirely over. Case in point: Warner Bros. has canceled both The People’s Court and Judge Mathis after approximately 592 years on air. Now what are kids going to watch when they stay home (pretend) sick from school (SPOILER ALERT: TikTok), and what is going to play in doctor’s waiting rooms across the land (SPOILER ALERT: Beverly Hills Chihuahua on a loop, which is what has been playing in my doctor’s office for years)?!!! – TVLine

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