50 Cent doesn’t just spend all of his time abhorring his oldest son, trolling Madonna on Instagram, and hanging upside down looking like a bat with a bowel obstruction; he also fiercely defends the honor of his allegedly unretouched penis! A few months ago, 50 filed a lawsuit when a picture he took with plastic surgeon Angela Kogan was posted alongside an interview she did with The Shade Room about penis enhancement surgery. Fofty sued Angela, the med spa she owns, and The Shade Room for implying he had his dong lengthened. According to Complex, 50 recently agreed to settle with The Shade Room for an undisclosed amount.

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For the past century, the revolving door of ladies hosting The View has had no problems attacking each episode with cackling, craziness, and candor. But one thing that remains constant is their need to terrorize all of their guests with conversation, though normally, they have fairly positive interactions. This, unfortunately, was not the case recently when Liam Neeson brought his particular set of skills for an interview with the ladies that took a turn for the uncomfortable when Joy Behar decided to remind him that she has a crush on him. And the crafty production team at The View made things even worse by showing a montage of some very cringeworthy things Joy has said about Liam in the past.

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Maddie, the Queen of Trick Dogs!

Google tells me that the most famous citizen of Altoona, Wisconsin was NFLer Fred “Fuzzy” Thurston, who played for the Green Bay Packers in the 50s and 60s. The football field at Altoona High School is named after him. Well, Fuzzy had a good, long run as Altoona, WI’s most famous citizen, but that title now belongs to Maddie! Maddie has become a superstar on the dog competition scene thanks to her impeccable skills at turning tricks (not those kind of tricks!).

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Not to be outdone by Nick Cannon’s prolific jizz, Jude Law has apparently made himself a SEVENTH child. 50-year-old Jude and his 35-year-old wife Phillipa Coan have reportedly welcomed their second kid together. That brings the grand total of Jude’s child army to seven with four different mothers. But Nick’s balls are probably thinking, “amateur,” since Nick’s still got Jude beat with 12 kids. So if Jude wants to ever overtake Nick, he and his jizz better get back to baby-making work… as the uteruses of the world cry in fear of that baby-off and send cease and desists to Jude and Nick’s parts – Extra

Brad Pitt’s piece, Ines de Ramon, has met most of the child army, got flowers from him on Valentine’s Day, and has begun legal proceedings to divorce her husband, Paul Wesley. So their love is moving along. And since Brad and Ines’ love is obviously genuine and not the work of a PR team, they will definitely be together forever, and soon she’ll be legally free to marry the middle-aged man who insists on still wearing bucket hats and will be involved in a legal tussle with his ex for the rest of his days  – Celebitchy

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Last month, that no-good Prince Andrew (more like Prick Andrew [don’t steal that, that’s mine]) was officially booted out of his Buckingham Palace office and royal apartment by his landlord/brother, King Charles. Currently, 63-year-old Andrew lives in the Royal Lodge in Windsor with his ex-wife, Fergie. The Independent reports that the prince is telling his friends (I guess he hired a medium to contact bestie Jeffrey Epstein?) that he’s worried he’ll have to move out of the 98-acre estate by September if Charles cuts his royal allowance. But a royal source tells the Telegraph that “the King is not going to leave his brother homeless or penniless.” Bitch, why not?

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