Category: Princess Bea

Princess Beatrice Revealed The Name Of Her Daughter, And The Queen Got A Shout Out

October 1, 2021 / Posted by:

About two weeks after she burst into this world and temporarily yanked the spotlight off her granddaddy (a move I’m sure he’ll be forever grateful for), Princess Beatrice and Edoardo Mapelli Mozzi’s baby daughter’s got a name, which they revealed on social media earlier today, and a fancy Italian royal title, as expected.

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Princess Beatrice Might Just Have A Really Big Post-Coronavirus Wedding Next Year To Boost Morale

April 14, 2020 / Posted by:

Edoardo Mapeli Mozzi has just been given yet another chance to cut and run before throws it all away by marrying into Britain’s #1 crime family. The Peaky Blinders ain’t got nothing on The Yorks! According to The Daily Mail, Princess Beatrice may now be looking to postpone her wedding for an entire year in the hopes that a big splashy royal wedding will be just the thing to “bolster the nation’s morale” after the coronavirus lockdown has ended. Apparently, Bea’s still chasing the dream of having a wedding to rival that of her sister Princess Eugenie’s, perhaps forgetting that that spectacle was deemed a ratings flop and waste of taxpayer money. I guess the oxygen level on whatever planet Bea is living on is thinner than her dad Prince Andrew’s Pizza Express Defense.

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Princess Beatrice’s Wedding Is Set For This May

February 6, 2020 / Posted by:

When Princess Beatrice got engaged to her alleged cheating slut of a boyfriend, real estate mogul Edoardo Mapelli Mozzi, she probably thought she was going to get an extravagant Disney princess wedding like her sister Princess Eugenie did (complete with MILLIONS of adoring subjects). But then her father Prince Andrew’s name came up more and more as being a good friend to dead pedo Jeffrey Epstein and we heard more and more about how one of Epstein’s alleged sex trafficking victims Virginia Giuffre was forced to have sex with Prince Andrew. And Prince Andrew gave that interview that should be on Wikipedia’s list of history’s biggest disasters. That caused a wave of shit to knock away Bea’s dreams of waving from an opulent royal carriage at all the peasants who came out to see her (read: the tumbleweeds and crickets, no offense to tumbleweeds and crickets).

For a minute there, it looked like maybe that Edoardo dude would realize that the Royal Family step on the social ladder is half-broken and stepping on it will cause him to fall to the bottom, and he’d call off the wedding. But that didn’t happen, and now People has spit up the date for Bea and Edoardo’s date. .

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Princess Beatrice Probably Won’t Have A Lavish Royal Wedding

January 3, 2020 / Posted by:

Usually the lead-up to a royal wedding includes at least 12 months worth of stories about how hours of hand-beading imported crystals it will take to complete the gown and which of Queen Elizabeth’s jeweled tiaras will be chosen to compliment the buttercream roses on the wedding cake. And when the big day arrives, there are (usually) thousands of photographers and people lining the streets, hoping to catch a glimpse of the royal couple, or at the very least, Oprah. But when Princess Beatrice gets married to her Italian aristocrat fiancé Edoardo Mapeli Mozzi this year, it’s probably going to be a whole lot less extravagant than what you’d expect. And she’s partially got daddy to thank for that.

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“Well, I’d Say It’s About This Long….While Soft.”

June 17, 2014 / Posted by:

All those English horse races are the same to me (I’m a racist, I know), so I always get Aintree and Ascot mixed up. Aintree is that horse race that brings out Britain’s most genteel and pristine flowers and by the end of the day, a lot of them are on the ground, spread eagle with the bottom of their dresses covering their faces and empty bottles of booze strewn around them. So I was getting my nipples ready for the moment when pictures would come out of Prince Hot Ginge drunkenly lying on the concrete in nothing but a top hat and a thong made out of his baby blue tie. But Prince Hot Ginge wasn’t at Aintree, he was Ascot, which is like Aintree’s snobby older cousin who suddenly has a posh accent, wipes his ass with silk, can go to a horse race on a weekday afternoon since he doesn’t work and looks down upon getting broke down, panty-flashing drunk in public. BOO!

PHG was on his best behavior at Royal Ascot (I’d let him cot my ass and I’m not even going to pretend to know what that means) today, because THE QUEEN was there with a pocketbook full of bricks that she wasn’t afraid to swing if one of her grandchildren started acting the fool. THE QUEEN’s piece Prince Philip was also there and I never understand why he goes to those things. He’s 93 years old and if I ever make it to 93, the last place I’d want to be is at a horse race where I’d have to stand in the grass as my 93-year-old saladitos-looking ass nutsack suffocated from being shoved into a stuffy suit. But he’s a good sport about it, I guess.

And there’s really nothing else that needs to be said about these pictures. It’s PHG in a top hat and holding an umbrella. I’d hit it all including that top hat and the umbrella he’s stroking.

Pics: Splash, Wenn.com

Prince Hot Ginge Laid Down A Royal Twerk At Guy Pelly’s Wedding

May 5, 2014 / Posted by:

Either Prince Hot Ginge is yawning at the lack of skinny ass blondes in his vicinity or he’s saying to a ho, “HAAAAAAAAAY, bitch, get ready to see me twerk later!” Probably the latter.

Prince Hot Ginge and Prince William were in Memphis this past weekend for their friend Guy Pelly’s wedding to Holiday Inn heiress Lizzy Wilson and sadly the wedding reception didn’t happy in the conference room of a Holiday Inn. What is the point of being a Holiday Inn heiress if you’re not going to use the conference room of one of your family’s moderately-priced hotels to have your wedding in for free?! The wedding happened at some fancy country club on Saturday and today workers are still replacing the carpet that was ruined from all the boiling panty pudding that dripped out of the guests when PHG sashayed onto the dance floor and served up some hot royal moves. When PHG’s got the sweet nectar flowing through his veins and the beat tickles his ears he can’t help but not wiggle that ass. The Jimmy Church Band played the wedding and Jimmy Church tells The Mirror that PHG, Prince William and Princess Bea went wild, kept jumping around (royal mosh pit?) and wanted them to play all night. One guest said that PHG even “twerked” on the dance floor:

“Harry hit the floor pretty much as soon as the band started playing and was twerking into the early hours.”

Usually the thought of a rich white man in a suit twerking on the dance floor of a society wedding would be at the top of my list of Things That Are Tragic, but I can’t say that about PHG. Yes, when PHG twerks, he probably looks like a hen trying to lay an egg and wiggle out a dry fart at the same time, but it would still make my nipples shoot off of my body. The world needs video of this and I wouldn’t even care if it was shot in portrait mode. I also hope that this highly important story inspires Marc Cohn to do a remix of Walking in Memphis called Twerking in Memphis.

And here’s some really clear pictures that a paparazzo who hid in the bushes took of the royals.

Pics: Splash

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