Duchess Meghan and Prince Harry are not going to feed into your strange desire to see their newborn baby three seconds after the kid is pulled out of her. It was reported that Meghan was thinking about having a home birth and it looks like that’s happening. It’s also been confirmed that you will all just have to wait to see what that scrunched up, crying, lump of person looks like after it violently fights against leaving the comfort of Meghan’s womb. Because once she gives birth, Meghan has no intention of getting into hair and makeup and parading the newborn in front of you.
Go ahead and hit play on this before you proceed (you can thank/curse me later). In case you haven’t waited in line at a grocery store of late and have not seen the earth shattering news printed on the front page of People Magazine that Prince Harry and Prince William’s households will be torn asunder, then let me break it to you gently. You see, even when two princes love each other very much, they sometimes need a little space to do their own thing and become their own people. The time has come to William and Harry to see other people naked. We, well to be exact, People, call this a ROYAL RIFT.
I can’t believe how quickly Prince Harry went from rebellious ginger stud to stodgy fuddy-duddy. Why it seem like just yesterday Harry was being adored for his pasty white body, and not the content of his character. But that Prince is officially dead. These days, Harry’s got IMPORTANT ISSUES to discuss. Like whether or not video games should be banned, specifically Fortnite, for ruining children’s lives and tearing families apart.
Your Instagram feed is about to get hot Royal injection with the addition of a brand new account belonging to The Duke and Duchess of Sussex. That’s Meghan and Harry, in case high falutin titles turn you off. Meghan used to have an Insta before she tore Michael K’s beating heart from his chest and stomped on it with a nude Manolo Blahnik by taking Harry off the market. But according to People, she deleted all her social media accounts in January of last year. But she’s back now, hand in hand with her man, and they’re probably sifting through about million SponCon contracts as we speak. Her post baby Tummy Tea ads are going to earn enough cash to keep the lights on at Buckingham Palace for decades to come!
Because Duchess Meghan and Prince Harry are the woke royals, sources are saying that they’re planning on raising their first child without any gender stereotypes. That’s right, this kid will be enjoying both Barbie dolls and toy weaponry AKA: the full gender spectrum!
Last month we heard that 37-year-old Duchess Meghan used her wedding as an excuse to bully 36-year-old Duchess Kate to the point that she cried. People is reporting that they now have a source who is confirming that rich woman royals tears were shed during the nuptials, and not because it was such a beautiful ceremony. A family friend of the royals has confirmed to People that the Duchesses did indeed get into several elegant kerfuffles during the wedding process, saying they “clashed” leading up to the royal wedding in May.