Being a normal American actress who landed a hot royal like Prince Harry might seem like a perpetual dream of afternoon champagne and corgi butlers, but Duchess Meghan has learned fast that it’s also a bureaucratic nightmare filled with stuffy rules and formalities. No bare shoulders! No touching! Never not be wearing pantyhose! According to a source that spoke with People magazine, Meghan is having a hard time accepting some of the more outdated rules.
Those of us who love drama love when Thomas Markle hits speed dial on his phone for one of the many press connections he’s made since his daughter Duchess Meghan started the process of becoming a member of the Royal family. An appearance by Thomas on a TV show or in The Sun is a good day for some, but not for Meghan and Prince Harry, who reportedly are at their wits end over what to do about her blabbermouth daddy.
When fifth-in-line to the crown Prince Louis arrived to St. James’s Palace for his Christening last week, his grand entrance wasn’t so grand. I was expecting some razzle-dazzle, like a Kensington Palace-branded t-shirt gun fired by Unky Harry. But all we got was Duchess Kate carrying a bundle of curtains with a sleeping Prince Louis inside, then later, a partially-awake Prince Louis. Obviously Prince Louis was saving the charm for the official portraits released after the show.
In addition to celebrity connections, and scandalizing shoulders, Duchess Meghan brought one more item of interest with her when she married Prince Harry back in May. She brought drama-spewing family members willing to sell her ass out for fame and riches! The Markle ne’er-do wells looking to cash in on Meghan’s star-crossed romance are numerous, and currently leading the charge has been Meghan’s dad, Thomas Markle.
This isn’t any normal picture of Duchess Meghan and Prince Harry. Oh no, there’s something shocking happening here. I’ll give you a hint: it has nothing to do with Duchess Meghan’s scandalous bare shoulders or hat that looks like Spirograph’s failed attempt at 3D printing.
Thomas Markle is worried he’ll never see his precious daughter Duchess Meghan again now that she’s been captured by that evil ogre Prince Harry and imprisoned high up in a castle tower. The Royal couple never did make it to Mexico to visit the old man, and now The Mirror reports that Thomas is “heartbroken” and fears that he and Meghan may not “ever be together again”. Cue: your tears. Go! Go! This is you, you’re on! You’re supposed to be blubbering right now. But I guess if you’re a cold, heartless cynic, you might take Thomas sob story with a grain of salt.