Category: Well Well Well
Taylor Swift Went Into The Woods And Came Out With A Surprise Album, Which Is Coming Out At Midnight
You know how Kanye West has a new album, DONDA: WITH CHILD, coming out tomorrow? Well, his nemesis Taylor Swift grabbed his mic and said, “Yo, Kanye, I’m really happy for you, and Imma let you finish, but I have a new album coming out tonight too.”
The Swifties can go ahead and switch out their usual bedtime beverage of strawberry tea with a sprinkling of stardust (pink sugar) with apple cider-flavored Red Bull because they’re going to be up all night using their cotton candy-scented, cloud-shaped magnifying glass to scan brand new Tay Tay song after brand new Tay Tay song to figure out who she’s writing about. Wait, did I say cotton candy-scented, cloud-shaped magnifying glass? That was the Lover era. They’re going to use their Demeter Dirt-scented, Little Trees-shaped magnifying glass on Taylor’s eight studio album, folklore. Um, Nelly Furtado will see you in court, Tay Tay!
Ghislaine Maxwell Has Reportedly Been Put On Suicide Watch And Is Wearing Paper Clothes And Sleeping On A Bare Mattress
After finally getting put into handcuffs for grooming and abusing underage girls as part of Jeffrey Epstein’s alleged sex trafficking ring, Ghislaine Maxwell was moved from a jailhouse in New Hampshire to a detention facility in Brooklyn. The Bureau of Prisons reportedly didn’t want to move Ghislaine to the detention center in Manhattan where Jeffrey Epstein was kept, because that’s where he died in what officials call a “suicide” but what we call an “act of convenience for the powerful people took advantage of Epstein’s ring of illegal horrificness.” The Associated Press says that officials want Ghislaine to go to trial (or take a plea deal and spill it all) so they’ve put her on suicide watch and took away her bedsheets and replaced her prison jumpsuit with clothes made of paper. PAPER?! Wait, are they trying to keep her alive or kill her? Because if her paper clothes aren’t made of $100 bills or gold Haute papier, then she’s going to die from the embarrassment of wearing Fashions By Kelly Paper.
Jada Pinkett-Smith Admits She Had Something Going On With August Alsina But That She And Will Smith Were Separated At The Time
A little over a week ago, 27-year-old singer August Alsina told the story about how he got it on with 48-year-old Jada Pinkett-Smith a few years ago and that he fell in love with her. August also said that 51-year-old Will Smith gave his blessing to hump on Jada. I, for one, shrugged since there have been rumors for years that Will and Jada keep OPEN signs on their genitals when it comes to doing other people. But Jada’s rep quickly issued a statement, saying that August’s claims were “absolutely not true.” Well, Jada has taken to her Facebook show Red Table Talk (of course) to say that she did have a relationship with August but that she and Will were broken up at the time. Jada also denied approving the denial her rep gave. So let’s see, Jada probably lied and while doing so tried to make August look like the liar. Somewhere on a planet far away, L. Ron Hubbard’s space ghost is perched on a meteor, beaming with pride over how non-Scientologist Jada is acting like a Scientologist.
The Authorities Are Looking Into The Case Of The Stauffers Giving Up Their Son
Lori Loughlin And Mossimo Giannulli Will Finally Plead Guilty, And Have Agreed To Serving Prison Time
Lori Loughlin and her husband Mossimo Giannulli have finally used a tub of Crisco to pull each other’s heads out of their own asses and admit that they were in the wrong when they paid $500,000 to get their daughters, Olivia Jade Giannulli and Isabella Rose Giannulli, into USC through the university’s rowing team even though those girls probably thought that “rowing” was a term for sitting front row at a fashion show. Lori and Mossimo’s ride up shit creek without a paddle (“Why are you looking at us? You know we don’t have a damn paddle” – Olivia Jade and Isabella Rose) ended with prosecutors saying, “Aunt Becky and Mossimo, you’re going to want to smear some La Mer on your hands to protect you from this extremely delicate slap on the wrist.” Lori and Mossimo took a plea deal and in exchange for pleading guilty, she’ll get two months in “prison” and he’ll get five months. I put “prison” in air quotes because I’m sure these two have another trick up their sleeve and that trick is using COVID-19 to get out of stepping foot in an actual cell.
Alia Shawkat Was Seen Riding Her Bike Out Of Brad Pitt’s Gated Community
Last week during a video conference with the Surgeon General of California, Angelina Jolie encouraged people to “check in with each other” during the ongoing coronavirus isolation situation. I’m guessing Alia Shawkat heard that and thought, “Sounds good, I’ll start with your ex.” And she might have taken the suggestion literally, because she was seen on Saturday leaving Brad Pitt’s gated community on her bike.