King Charles Will Sell 14 Of THE QUEEN’S Horses

Everybody knows that THE QUEEN had three passions in life: gin, corgis, and horses. She loved riding them, breeding them, and watching them race (she made millions betting on races). At the time of her passing, Lizzie owned about 100 horses, and King Charles got to inherit all of them. Yesterday, the BBC reported that Charles decided to sell off 14 of the racehorses. Tattersalls auction house announced the news on Monday. One of the horses being sold is the filly Love Affairs. She was the Queen’s last winner at the Goodwood Racecourse, just two days before her September 8th death. Sooo, Love Affair is a cursed horse with a sinful name. Good riddance!

Another horse being sold is the meh-named Just Fine, who made history earlier this month by winning Charles his first horserace as king. At the time, Charles’ spokesman said, “their Majesties are thrilled by Just Fine’s success.”  I guess that statement was a load of baloney, though, cuz now he’s kicking Just fine to the curb. But the auction house’s spokesperson, Jimmy George, says that Charles’ decision to sell is pretty normal, via BBC:

The Queen had brood mares of her own, she would breed them and sell them. You can’t keep them all.”

Mr George said the sale of the Queen’s horses did not symbolise the end of the Royal household’s connection with racing. He said: “Every year owners sell stock. His Majesty is just doing what owners do.”

THE QUEEN inherited the Royal Stud (teehee), a racehorse breeding center in Sandringham, from her father, King George VI. Her racing manager previously said that horses were “a tremendous getaway” from all of Lizzie’s duties, and her support had been a major boost for British racing. He believes that, even if she hadn’t been born into the Royal family, THE QUEEN would have “found a vocation with horses. It was just simply in her DNA.” 

Before Charles sells any more of his mother’s horses, he better give it some good thought. Like, what is he going to do with their semen? Breeding luxury horses (I know there’s a proper term for them, but I’m far too lazy to look it up) is big money; their semen is more precious than gold! See: the time William Shatner fought for and won all the horse semen in his divorce.

And ya know, all this horse racing/jizzing/selling talk makes me think that maybe Prince Andrew wasn’t THE QUEEN’s favorite after all. If she really cared about him, she would have left Charles the useless Corgis and Andy the expensive horses. Corgi semen is worthless! And you can’t even make money betting on corgi races! Unless Andrew starts up a gambling ring that bets on which Corgis have the fattest asses. There’s always money in fat asses…

Pic: PA Images/INSTARimages.com