Amber Heard has given her first interview since a jury of 5 men and 2 women mostly ruled against her in the pile of flaming tonsil stones that was The Johnny Depp defamation trial. Amber talked to Savannah Guthrie for NBC News and the choice to go with Savannah has been hit with some side-eyes because while interviewing Johnny Depp’s lawyers on Today last week, Savannah admitted that her husband Michael Feldman, who is a PR and communications adviser, worked as a consultant for Team Depp during the trial. During Amber’s interview with Savannah, which airs tomorrow, Wednesday, and Friday on NBC, Amber says that she isn’t faulting the jury for not believing her because she knows that it’s probably hard to see sweet ole’ Edward Scissorhands as an abusive monster.
The Today studio is haunted by the spectre of Matt Lauer dressed as Lucy from The Peanuts, and it shows. Of course, it wasn’t just Matt that brought a pox upon the Today studio that day, though he ultimately posed the greatest existential threat. October 31, 2015 was the day the earth’s core fissured, allowing Satan’s demonic load to germinate upon the soil, his evil issue taking the form of humanoid creatures capable of evil the likes of which have never been seen, in hell or on earth. The Today group costume has been whack ever since. This year’s is the worst one yet with a confusing and vague “Everybody Dance” theme. Where is the specificity? Where is the cohesion? Where is the gyrating blood lust invocation summoning the infernal damned to take their rightful place on the throne of man? Are we expected to quiver in the face of Al Roker with a Carlton Banks sweater over his shoulders and ill-fitting golf pants? Not today, Satan!
So we knew that Ronan Farrow was coming out with a book, called Catch and Kill, and was planning to cover even more allegations about Matt Lauer that’d make you go down to the ER and say to the nurse, “Um, yeah, there’s a very good reason for why I look like I just walked out of BODIES: The Exhibition and that’s because all my skin straight-up and literally crawled off and ran far, far away. So yeah, I’m going to need new skin whenever you get a minute.” Well, say goodbye to your skin, because an interview from the book has been released and it includes allegations of Matt Lauer anal raping a woman who worked for NBC News. Welp, cut to a bunch of slabs of skin hitchhiking on the side of the road while holding a bindle. They’re out of here.
For many Halloweens, the hateful demons at Today have give us many soul-melting night terrors by doing their hosts up like dark-sided creatures that crawled out of the sticky asshole of Hell. Like the time they dressed the entire Today show crew as Peanuts possessed by Satan, and the time they committed a horrible case of blasphemy by dropping a Matt Lauer shit all over the pristine image of earth angel Dolly Parton. They played it mostly safe this Halloween. I say “mostly safe,” because I hate them for causing my nipple tips to tingle and my b-hole ring to quiver while looking at Jenna Bush Hager in man drag as Goose from Top Gun. I should call 911 and report Today for actually making me get moist in the tip over drag king Jenna Bush Hager.
Today went with an 80s theme this year. Well, most of them did anyway. Hoda Kotb got lost in the early-70s while making her way to the 80s.
Savannah Guthrie interviewed Omarosa Manigault-Newman on Today this morning, and watching it is like watching an Evil Queen from a Disney movie get interviewed by the step-daughter she poisoned last week and is still in the process of trying to kill.
Omarosa has a new book coming out called Unhinged which is basically a Burn Book of her time in Donald Trump‘s White House. Savannah tried to get her to talk all about it and the result was a tense 12 minutes of Omarosa saying, “It’s in the book, bitch!” “I should let you know, I am recording this conversation,” Savannah joked at the top of the interview, referencing Omarosa’s recorded firing and her other alleged secret tapes of Donald. Omarosa chuckled, but it pretty much steamrolled downhill from there. On a positive note, it was nice of Omarosa to take time from rehearsing for Dancing with the Stars to do this interview. That’s why she’s wearing that dress, right?
Reboot-a-palooza continues on the silver screen this summer with the upcoming Ocean’s 8, a lady-led spinoff of Ocean’s 11. The film drops this Friday, and co-stars Cate Blanchett and Sarah Paulson dropped by Today this morning to promote it. Their snarky banter, laying their awards dicks on the table, and mom jokes made Hoda Kotb laugh so hard that her co-host Savannah Guthrie had to come out and help her finish the interview. At least, that’s what they’re saying, but I think Hoda was crying over lack of job security since Cate and Sarah were twice as messed in the head as she normally is during the fifteenth hour with Kathie Lee Gifford. Continue reading