Category: Prince Harry
Prince Harry Said He Cut Some King Charles And Prince William Stories From “Spare” Because They’d Never Forgive Him And It Would’ve Been 800 Pages Long
Prince Harry’s “tell-all” book, Spare (seen here already half-price because all of the juicy bits were forcibly squeezed into our ear holes and eyeballs before the book even hit the shelves, probably), has already broken sales records and reportedly rankled Prince William and Kate Middleton to their emotionless cores. But, the sloppy-mouthed spare wants everyone to know that he didn’t actually tell it all and did exercise SOME discretion by leaving out a few tidbits–because the book would’ve been 800 pages long, and William and King Charles would’ve found those particular items unforgivable.
1.4 Million Copies Of Prince Harry’s Memoir “Spare” Were Sold In One Day, Breaking First Day Sales Records For Its Publishers
The numbers are in and Prince Harry, I’m sorry, HRH INTERNATIONAL BEST SELLING AUTHOR Prince Henry Charles Albert David “Harold” Harry, Duke of Suffix, has a hit on his hands. Variety reports that Spare, Harry’s ghost-written memoir, has become the fastest selling book in all of Penguin Random House history, beating the first day sales of President Barack Obama’s memoir, A Promised Land, “selling 1.4 million copies in the U.S., U.K. and Canada on its first day of sales.” Old Barack looks pretty dumb right now. But that’s what he gets for skimping on the details about his junk. Had it leaked that Barry Jr. was going to make an appearance in APL, there wouldn’t have been enough paper on the planet to fulfill our needs. Printer, tissue, or otherwise!
Prince Harry Appeared On “The Late Show With Stephen Colbert” And Wanted To Clear Up That He Wasn’t Boasting About The Number Of Taliban Fighters He Killed By Including It In “Spare”
Prince Harry’s burn-those-bridges book, Spare, finally hit the shelves yesterday in the midst of his seemingly never-ending “holy shit; make it stop; God, not this shit again” quest to fight the press with press. And though we’ve already been subjected to several disembodied tidbits from the book, like the sparse-haired sovereign smack-down and his frozen dick-tip in the lead-up to its release, Harry said there was one thing that the press had taken from his book and dangerously ran with without further context–his inclusion of the exact number of Taliban fighters he killed while serving in the British Army. In his sit-down on The Late Show With Stephen Colbert last night, he explained that though this particular piece of information was being spun as him simply being boastful, he included it to normalize the conversation with veterans who may be suffering from similar experiences in silence.
Prince Harry Says That Camilla Planted Positive Stories In The Press To “Rehabilitate Her Image” As The “Villain”
In case you couldn’t tell by the 12,384,965,999 headlines about Prince Harry’s tell-all (and that’s a low ass estimate), Prince Harry has a tell-all, Spare, out this week. Penguin Random House reportedly paid Harry $20 million for his memoir, and sources claim it needs to sell at least 1.7 million copies to break even. So Harry is out there hustling like the mortgage on Chateau de Bottom-Joined Palm Trees was due last week. His interviews with 60 Minutes and ITV aired yesterday, his talk with Good Morning America came out today, and he’s on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert tomorrow night. All that peddling may be paying off because Spare is currently #1 on Amazon’s best-selling books list, even though it feels like every word of that book has already leaked. What else is there to read? Well, apparently, there’s more, including Harry accusing his stepmother Queen Consort Camilla of being a throne-climbing opportunist who’d stop at nothing to get her diabolical paws on the crown. Breaking news, I know.
Prince William And Kate Middleton Are Reportedly “Very Upset” By Prince Harry’s Tell-All
Ever since Prince Harry announced the release of Spare, the internet has been abuzz with excerpts from the tell-all book. From the tale of fisticuffs between the two princes to the origins of the infamous Nazi uniform to Harry dragging William for his hair loss, the book contains a seemingly never-ending stream of embarrassing stories designed to last a Queen’s lifetime. So, what do the Royals think of Harry’s collection of bedtime stories for unloved boys? They’re pissed! Obviously.
Prince Harry Says That Prince William Physically Attacked Him And More From His Tell-All “Spare”
If you had yourself a dysfunctional family holiday filled with drama, tussling, and messiness, just be a little grateful that your filthy laundry wasn’t aired beyond a ~cRyPTic~ Facebook post from your auntie. Because Prince Harry’s memoir, Spare, is out next week, so the promo tour for it has begun, and right now, The Firm is probably furiously trying to leak as many anti-Harry stories as possible as the Benny Hill theme song plays in their heads. In leaked excerpts from the book and promo interviews, Harry accuses Prince William of physically attacking him, says William and Kate Middleton co-signed his Nazi costume, calls William his “archnemesis,” and gets into the rumors that King Charles is not his biological father. Oh, and Harry and William’s nicknames for each other are “Harold” and “Willy.” I know, I buried the true lede!