Buckle in for this completely bizarre and yet somehow totally plausible story about how ex-rapper and practicing witch (I guess) Azealia Banks was commissioned by Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey to make an amulet with his hair to protect him from terrorist organization, ISIS. And you thought Azealia screwing over Elon Musk with her inside business knowledge was strange. This is that and a side-piece of magical fuckery.
In a Vanity Fair article, Nick Bilton reported that after writing a book about Twitter, he regularly received gossip about its CEO. One of those sources told him about a time that Jack sent a rapper his “beard shavings” to make an “amulet” that would “protect him from evildoers”. I put quotations on all of those words because: WHAT?
That rumor is true. Back in 2016, the enemy of chickens tweeted this to Jack:
“sent me his hair in an envelope because i was supposed to make him an amulet for protection.”
And how was Jack going to pay for commissioning this witch? Publicity.
Business Insider (how many times will Azealia Banks appear on fucking BUSINESS INSIDER? What is this woman’s career path?) is reporting that they reached out to Azealia and she had nothing but tea to spill to them.
Azealia revealed that the story “absolutely” happened, but she used strands of his hair and not “beard trimmings” because obviously beard trimmings have less magical energies than hair from your head. And she still has one of the strands of Jack’s hair “in an enveloped in her storage space”.
The two’s friendship started when they followed each other on Twitter. They eventually had a dinner Azealia calls “awkward”. But nonetheless, Azealia wanted to help her new friend out, and offered a protection spell after ISIS threatened Jack in a propaganda video. All Azealia wanted in return was for Jack to tweet about her Slay-Z mixtape. While Banks went to the effort of creating the amulet, Jack reneged on the deal and never tweeted about Slay-Z.
“A lot of articles said I put a hex on him but I didn’t… I have no reason to wish him harm. But we made a spiritual pact and he was supposed to make good on his end.”
According to Azealia, she hasn’t spoken to Jack in the last few years, and says that he and others have misunderstood her witch religion:
“He may think that my religion is a facet of mental illness but it isn’t… It’s a well-established African traditional religion which should be respected… I made a pact on his behalf and he left me hanging. He will pay for that.”
Honey that is an ominous warning… and homegirl still has your hair… Stay tuned for Azealia Banks to one day turn Jack Dorsey into a frog, which is better than Azealia Banks going with the Twitter theme and turning Jack Dorsey into a really annoying bird. Because well, we all know what Azealia does to birds (see: the chicken link above).