Like a dumb dumb kitten stuck in a tree, there’s a pussy crying for help today. Only this pussy belongs to a supermodel. No, it’s not the pussy of Leo Dicaprio‘s latest girlfriend wailing because she’s about to hit the 25 year mark and therefore have her contract ripped up (relax- Leo’s current girlfriend is only 21). It’s the vagina of Miranda Kerr, who announced to People that just ten months after giving birth to her first baby with Snapchat founder Evan Spiegel, she is pregnant again. Mine is crying too. Someone pass an ice pack for my vaginal canal ghost pains.
Miranda gave birth to her second son Hart on May 7, 2018. Her first son Flynn, with naked paddle boarding enthusiast Orlando Bloom, is 8 years old. Miranda’s vag must be spitting out Chandon and strawberries to say,”Whoa whoa whoa. You gave me 7 years between the first two kids and now you give me 7 minutes to get ready for this one? Uncool, Miranda, very uncool.” Since most celebs like to announce their pregnancies into their second trimesters (if they announce their pregnancies at all), it’s possible that Miranda is already three months or so along, which means that she and Evan wasted no time in doing it.
Miranda, who is is 35, and Evan, 28, got married in May 2017, so they are rapidly building their family. Will theirs rival the Alec Baldwin and Hilaria Baldwin child army of 4 kids under 5? We’ll know when Miranda trades in peddling organic cosmetics and bullshitting that it only takes her 15 minutes to get ready in the morning for unasked for yoga poses in public places. All that seems clear is that, God forbid, this is the first celebrity marriage to fall apart for any myriad of reasons, Miranda has secured that Snapchat dough and the kids will not be left starving on the streets.