Like a dumb dumb kitten stuck in a tree, there’s a pussy crying for help today. Only this pussy belongs to a supermodel. No, it’s not the pussy of Leo Dicaprio‘s latest girlfriend wailing because she’s about to hit the 25 year mark and therefore have her contract ripped up (relax- Leo’s current girlfriend is only 21). It’s the vagina of Miranda Kerr, who announced to People that just ten months after giving birth to her first baby with Snapchat founder Evan Spiegel, she is pregnant again. Mine is crying too. Someone pass an ice pack for my vaginal canal ghost pains.
Apparently, the Taster’s Choice of shallow social media antics likes to keep their employees guessing about when their last check is coming. It was bad enough when Snapchat decided to post an ad that gives you the option of either slapping Rihanna or punching Chris Brown (always punch Chris, by the way). But now their cash flow is bleeding profusely after Rihanna fixed her trademarked death glare at them and said “You look so dumb right now.”
Snapchat isn’t having such a great 2018. The queen of their target market (vapid millennials) might have sank their stock with a single tweet. And now they’re taking heat for an ad that they ran featuring a joke about slapping Rihanna, that also just so happened to co-star a joke about Chris Brown.
We have the Kardashian-Jenners to blame for the death of many things: natural looking makeup and bodies, the excuse that one needs talent to be successful in the entertainment industry But the latest casualty could be Snapchat, and if the game were Clue, the suspect cards pulled would be Kylie Jenner with her phone on Twitter.
Madonna recently posted a video of herself getting forked real good on Instagram. And for once, Madonna is doing something age appropriate! Like any other 59 year old, she’s just discovered the joys of Snapchat filters, five years after the kids have moved on to whatever it is the kids have moved on to.
The flood gates have been opened and now everybody wants to get in the business of making original programming. The newest comer to the game is Snapchat, who has set their sights on providing scripted content in the near future. Honestly, I’m quite old and have only ever used Snapchat to keep the children I’m temporarily in charge of amused. I like the funny squishy face, the one that puts makeup and jewelry on you and of course, the ever popular puppy face tongue. I leave flower crown to Kim K, because she seems really attached to it. But apparently there is more to Snapchat than us ancients are aware of!