“Fashion Police” Was Too Mean For Kathy Griffin So She Quit That Bitch

Well, that lasted about as long as my patience while watching Ghouliana Rancid interview anybody on the red carpet. When Kathy Griffin said that she signed up to be the head bitch of the Fashion Police, I figured she was doing it for Joan Rivers and didn’t think she would last more than a year, because when you think of fashion, the last ho you think of is Kathy Griffin. Actually, the last ho you think of is Kanye West, so Kathy Griffin is second to last. But well, she lasted a lot less longer than a year.

About two weeks after Kelly Osbourne sashayed out of the exit door and a quick minute after Kathy said that she wouldn’t tell the “patchouli and weed” joke that Ghouliana made about Zendaya, she declared on Facebook tonight that she’s completely over Fashion Police. In a post where she said her age and how many awards she’s won, Kathy said that she doesn’t want to take part in a shit fest where bitches drag people’s looks. Kathy thought Fashion Police was just going to be about making fun of dresses. So basically, it feels like Kathy spread her legs, squatted over Ghouliana and let out a wet queef.

E! says that when Fashion Police comes back on March 30th, Melissa Rivers will take over for Kathy and both Ghouliana and Brad Goreski will be back. Kelly has already thrown some support at Kathy by tweeting a picture of them touching tongues.

Now Kathy Griffin is free to do a gossip show on CNN with Anderson Cooper where she’ll tell rim jokes and he’ll giggle out of his jock strap.

Joan Rivers was Fashion Police, but of course E! is going to try to keep that shit alive. I don’t even know why they’re bothering bringing Melissa Rivers on for one episode. Why postpone the inevitable? They’re obviously going to replace Kathy with Kanye West and replace the rest with Kim, Kourtney and Khloe. The entire show will be Kanye worshipping his looks while Kummy, the Slow One and Khlozilla take turns sucking on his ass lips. I don’t know what E! is waiting for?

NeNe Leakes And Khloe Kardashian Are Coming For Kelly Osbourne’s Old Job

And it begins! Mere minutes after Kelly Osbourne announced that she was saying Bye, Bitch to Fashion Police and thus retiring the phrase “You really needed to see it in person” forever, the decision-making hos at E! are starting to find their mailboxes stuffed full of resumes from desperates looking to fill her spot. Since Ryan Seacrest and his out-of-country business partner Satan practically run the E! network, the most obvious prediction for Kelly’s replacement would be Khloe Kardashian. Now UsWeekly is saying that Kelly’s replacement could be Khloe, but it could also be NeNe Leakes.

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Kelly Osbourne Is Done With Fashion Police

My vote for Kelly’s replacement is Giggy Vanderpump! But Kathy, Giuliana and Brad would never agree to that, because Giggy would take all the attention away from their asses, obviously.

After all the smoke and fuckery cleared from that Zendaya mess, I kind of thought if anybody was going to make their way out of the Fashion Police exit door, it would be Ghouliana Rancid. But TMZ says that Kelly Osbourne has made good on her threat to quit the show.

After Zendaya slapped at Giuliana for joking about how her dreads must smell like patchouli and weed, Kelly Osbourne squeezed herself right into the middle by going on an ALL-CAPS rant on Twitter where she threatened to quit Fashion Police over what was said. When Giuliana released another apology, Kelly calmed down on the CAPS and tweeted this: “It takes a strong women to apologize & makes a forgiving women even stronger!” But TMZ says that even though Giuliana apologized and Zendaya accepted her apology, Kelly bolted anyway.

Apparently, the producers started having problems with Kelly as soon as the first episode without Joan Rivers taped. Kelly didn’t like the way the show was being produced and the producers were over her. Kelly quit today. E! queefed up this statement of words about Kelly’s exit:

“Kelly Osbourne is departing E!s Fashion Police to pursue other opportunities, and we would like to thank her for her many contributions to the series over the past five years, during which time the show became a hit with viewers. Fashion Police will return, as scheduled, on Friday, March 30th at 9:00 p.m. and no decisions have been made on her replacement.”

“Other opportunities.” Oh shit, she’s totally going to replace Jon Stewart on The Daily Show. Or maybe she’s replacing Brian Williams.

E! is really pulling our dicks with that “no decisions have been made on her replacement” shit. We all know who Kelly’s replacement is going to be. E! better up Fashion Police’s budget, because they’re going to need a few animal trainers on set since Khloe Kardashian is obviously going to replace Kelly. E! should just fire everyone on Fashion Police, change the name to Kardashian Police and have that show be nothing but Kim, Khloe and Kourtney jacking off to their red carpet photos of the week. That’s what Fashion Police is eventually going to become.

And Giuliana better hide… Because if Ozzy Osbourne comes to the set to defend his daughter, who knows what he’ll do when he sees Giuliana’s bird-looking ass. We all know what Ozzy did to that dove…

Giuliana Rancic Apologizes Again For Saying That Zendaya Must Smell Like “Patchouli Oil” And “Weed”

In case you haven’t been keeping up with this Fashion Police mess, the living E! exclamation point named Giuliana Rancic made a joke on Fashion Police about how Zendaya must smell like patchouli oil and weed because she has dreads. A shit storm courtesy of Twitter came at her and Zendaya eventually wrote a response saying that she was offended by Giuliana’s joke. Giuliana apologized on Twitter and said that wasn’t being racist. She was just commenting on Zendaya’s “bohemian chic” look. (Side note: I’m still laughing at that “bohemian chic” bullshit. The next time someone complains about me smelling like weed. I’m going to tell them it’s “bohemian chic, honey. Get with it.”)

Kelly Osbourne also decided to jump in and she went off in a Kanye-approved ALL-CAPS rant on her Twatter where she said that she’s Zendaya’s friend, she doesn’t co-sign racism and she’s “SEREIOULSY QUESTIONONIG” staying on Fashion Police. I’m not sure it’s smart to threaten to walk from a job that doesn’t need you, especially when there’s a Kartrashian waiting in the wings to replace you.

After all that, the publicists at E! finally put together a statement and made Ghouliana read it in front of a camera:

“I’d really like to address something that is weighing very heavy on my heart. I want to apologize for a comment I made on last night’s Fashion Police on Zendaya’s hair. As you know, Fashion Police is a show that pokes fun at celebrities in good spirit, but I do understand that something I said last night did cross the line. I just want everyone to know that I didn’t intend to hurt anybody, but I’ve learned it is not my intent that matters, it is the result. And the result is that people are offended including Zendaya and that is not okay. Therefore, I want to say to Zendaya, and anyone else out there I have hurt, that I am so sincerely sorry. This has been a learning experience for me. I’ve learned a lot today. This incident has taught me to be a lot more aware of cliches and stereotypes. How much damage they can do. I am responsible, as we all are, to not perpetuate them further.”

You know, if you look past Ghouliana and squint, you can almost see a tiny patch of frosted blond hair bouncing up and down over those bushes. It’s obviously Ryan Seacrest doing a victory jig and cackling over Ghouliana and Fashion Police’s demise. I knew that shifty little leprechaun was behind this!

I Don’t Think That Fur Stole Is Part Of The Party Down Dress Code…

I’m not sure what the inspiration behind Charli XCX’s Grammys outfit was, but I like to imagine that her stylist was going for ‘former Party Down employee who was fired for getting stoned and falling asleep on a pile of fur coats at a graduation party for Leonard Stiltskin’s daughter‘ sort of thing. She’s like the accidental hot tub baby of Roman and Bobbie St. Brown. She also kind of reminds me of a baby model from the baby formal wear page of a Sears catalog. You know, the one where all the babies look like tiny aspiring dinner theater magicians?

But if I have to be totally honest, that baby pink mink stole would have looked so much hotter paired with a floor-length crystal-studded Bob Mackie gown. Yes, I know that it’s no longer 1979 and not everyone can be Cher or Morgan Fairchild, but what ever happened to serving up show-stopping glitz n’ glamour at the Grammys? I understand that not everyone can handle the responsibility that comes along with walking the red carpet in some top-shelf crystal-covered eleganza, but at least they could try. It’s truly a dark day when only ONE person was brave enough to pull out all the stops (no, literally – there’s definitely a construction site missing its caution markers) and arrive working some old school beauty pageant glamour.

Here’s more of Charli XCX, as well as the rest of the dull, unpolished rhinestones that rolled down the Grammy red carpet last night, including an escort-looking Lady Gaga, Kelly Osbourne in Dame Edna drag, Katy Perry in Kelly Osbourne drag, and John Mayer making me completely ashamed to say I totally would:

Pics: Splash, Wenn.com

It Looks Like Kathy Griffin Will Replace Joan Rivers As The Host Of Fashion Police

I know – “replace” is entirely the wrong word; nobody could ever replace the exquisite insult-hissing showstopper that was Joan Rivers. Maybe “keep her seat warm until she decides to return from beyond the grave as a gorgeous ageless ghost to haunt the tragic fashion disasters of awards season” is a better word. And according to TMZ, that person replacing the seat left vacant by Joan on Fashion Police is going to be sunset-colored comedian Kathy Griffin.

A source connected with the show (the makeup artist in charge of transforming Giuliana Rancic from a grasshopper to a human-looking grasshopper, perhaps) has confirmed to TMZ that it’s a done deal and Kathy will be joining Giuliana, the enchanted come-to-life bag of Dolly Mix Kelly Osbourne, and Melissa Rivers. No word on whether George Kotsiopoulos will also be coming back or if he’s currently crying into a pile of tasteful $79.99 QVC wrap dresses (they’re always wrap dresses and they’re always $79.99). The source also says that Fashion Police will no longer be a weekly show, and instead will air it as a special program to coincide with big events, like the Academy Awards.

I’m sure there are 1,284,365 Joan Rangers screaming “NO! TERRIBLE CHOICE!” at the top of their lungs while clutching their favorite Joan Rivers Classics Collection statement necklace, but I’m glad they chose Kathy. Kathy once tried to blow Anderson Cooper on live TV and isn’t afraid to dress like a near-sighted Daytona Beach truck stop stripper. A messy middle-aged trick who doesn’t give a fuck? Come on, it’s what Joan would have wanted.