Kelly Osbourne Says Ozzy And Sharon Have Not Split

And in non-baby related news, let’s talk love lives. Messy ones. Why the hell would we talk about not messy ones? That’s not news. That’s your Aunt Jean and her “good friend” Ben. No. Today we’re checking back in with one of the great loves of our time. And your parents’ time. If you’ll remember correctly, because one of these people for sure as hell can’t, Ozzy and Sharon Osbourne apparently split back in May. But Now Kelly Osbourne is saying that no, no, no, it’s all good and her parents are still together.

Back when this SCANDAL broke, source types said it was because Sharon had hard evidence that Ozzy was getting his pepaw peepee pawed at by some “home wrecking” slut. The woman in question, Michelle Pugh, is a hairdresser. Which brings us to the best part of this whole thing. The last time Kelly got involved in this totally real, not PR-smelling stunt for The Talk, she let Michelle Pugh have it on Twitter! We can at least thank her for making “chunky low-lights” part of everyone’s everyday lexicon. A few days ago, while speaking to The Insider (via Entertainment Tonight) at the Babes for Boobs event (which I’m hoping involves people dressed up as sexy, big tittied versions of Babe the pig), Kelly was asked how her parents were doing and she said this:

“My mom and dad are together right now! I will never not be good with my dad. That does not mean that I think what he did wasn’t f**king stupid, but that’s between him and I. I’m a daddy’s girl. I love my dad.”

I’m glad that she and Sharon have seemingly at least moved past something that Ozzy most likely doesn’t remember happening. I would assume that from all the drugs, alcohol and bat blood, not to mention his age, he can barely remember what he ate a few hours ago, let alone a maybe affair from almost two months ago. Good for them. True love wins!

Pic: Wenn

Leave It To Kelly Osbourne To Add Another Layer Of Messiness To Her Dad’s Cheating Situation

Just when this whole Sharon and Ozzy Osbourne breaking up ESCANDALO was dying down and the media was moving on, Kelly Osbourne has stepped onto the stage and has kept it alive by dousing it with gallons of pure liquid foolery. If this entire thing really is a shameless stunt to promote The Talk and Black Sabbath’s tour, then Sharon Osbourne should give Kelly a huge bonus, because she sicced her followers on her dad’s supposed ex-side ho and has screamed “ELDER ABUSE!”

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BREAKING: Johnny Depp Showed Up To Something And Didn’t Look Like A Mess

This might be the first time Amber Heard is scrunching up her nose because she thinks it looks cute and not because her nose hairs are violently cringing at Johnny Depp’s stank. Mark it in your calendars!

The last time human cigarette butt Johnny Depp and his midlife crisis wife strolled down the red carpet, he left behind a toxic trail of rancid hair grease and stinky tooth fumes, and the red carpet died. It was tragic. I guess Johnny was afraid of a future class action lawsuit if he killed any more red carpets with his grossness, because he showed up to The Art of Elysium’s 9th annual HEAVEN Gala last night in Los Angeles looking clean and showered. I know, I can’t believe it either.

I have no idea how this happened. Maybe he accidentally slipped into a soapy bathtub. Maybe he took a tour of the EPA head office in Washington and wandered into a decontamination room on his way to the men’s room. Or maybe this is actually an alien disguised to look like Johnny Depp, but the only reference it had to go off of was a 15-year-old VHS copy of Chocolat. Yeah, that’s got to be it.

Since Johnny Depp took a temporary break (I’m sure he’ll be back to looking like the dirty reusable rag from a truck stop hand dryer in no time) from being the unofficial red carpet mess, Ed Westwick generously stepped up and filled in.

I have no idea why the douchey dude from Gossip Girl is dressed like “The Older One” from a late-90s boy band, but it’s happening. If I had to guess more about Ed’s boy band persona based off of this look, I’d say his nickname is either Shaydz or Sensual D, and his signature music video dance move is intensely staring into the camera while doing prayer hands.

Here’s more from last night’s Art of Elysium event, including some of special guest Vivienne Westwood, who legit looks like an alien and isn’t trying to hide it.

Pics: Splash, Wenn.com

Kelly Osbourne Wants Donald Trump To Ask Himself: “If We Kick Out All The Latinos, Who Is Going To Clean My Toilet?”

Giuliana Rancic doesn’t have to worry about doing an hour on the treadmill today, because she probably burned hundreds of calories from cackling over Twitter calling Kelly Osbourne a privileged racist today.

I guess whoever wrote Giuliana’s joke about dreads is now writing Kelly Osbourne’s note cards. Kelly was a guest c0-host on The View today and once again the topic of Donald Trump’s shitty comments about Mexican immigrants came up. Kelly started by saying that Donald’s comments were racist and then she dribbled out a stream of messiness that made everyone hit the brakes and say, “Wha?!”

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And So It Begins…

It was only a matter of time before someone would throw a curly wig on their head and pretend to be black woman cosplayer Rachel Dolezal, and that person is Kelly Osbourne. I was sure we wouldn’t see white chicks dressing up as the white chick who doesn’t identifies as a white chick until Halloween time, but here we are.

The recently retired fashion police officer posted a picture of herself in a Party City Rachel Dolezal wig (or as I’m sure they’ll call it, the “Confused Lady” wig) to Instagram yesterday and captioned it: “#CallMeRachel #MyCasualLook“. Meanwhile, the real Rachel Dolezal is like “Call Me? Anyone? Please?” after she found out she’d just been fired from a Police Oversight Commission. Some people swatted at Kelly for dressing up in Rachel Dolezal drag, but she hasn’t deleted the picture yet. She did, however, decide to post a side-by-side of herself dressed as Rachel Dolezal and an old-ass pic of Ozzy Osbourne.

Kelly Osbourne dressed up as Rachel Dolezal is some uncanny valley shit. It’s giving me the creeps. I don’t know if it’s the wig or the jacket or that “Call an exorcist” look in her eyes, but I don’t feel right and I want it to stop. If I didn’t already know this was Kelly Osbourne, I would think I was looking at a picture of Sideshow Bob dressed up as Janice Soprano (minus the hot Rolling Stones tit tattoo) in an attempt to sneak out of prison. But maybe that’s just because I can barely remember what Kelly Osbourne looked like before she got deep into the world of cotton candy rockabilly.

Pic: Instagram

E! Is Pressing The Pause Button On Fashion Police

To the surprise of absolutely nobody, E! has realized that nobody really wants to watch Giuliana Rancic suck the life out of the room while Brad Goreski nervously giggles for 30 minutes. Fashion Police was supposed to come back later this month and after Kathy Griffin quit that bitch, Melissa Rivers was going to temporarily take her place, but that’s not going to happen anymore. E! announced tonight that Fashion Police is going on hiatus and will spend the next few months getting nipped, tucked, pulled, waxed, shaved and Botoxed. They’re going to revamp the show and find new asses to sit in the chairs that Kathy and Kelly Osbourne left empty. If Brad doesn’t also jump ship and find another gig, he’ll be back. Ghouliana will also be back, because she probably has some shit on Ryan Seacrest so E! will never let her go.

E! spit out this statement:

E!’s comedy series Fashion Police is going on hiatus and will return in September. We look forward to taking this opportunity to refresh the show before the next awards season. Our talented co-hosts Giuliana Rancic and Brad Goreski, along with Executive Producer Melissa Rivers, will continue their roles as we evolve the show into its next chapter for the legions of Fashion Police fans around the world.

Now that Fashion Police is going away for a while and has left a blank space in E!’s schedule, they can finally do what’s right and bring back their greatest piece of work. I’m talking about the artistic masterpiece that was Sunset Tan (aka the shit show that maybe 2 of you remember).

Jeff Bozz (the spawn of an overgrown Oompa Loompa and a bottle of Affliction butt spray on the left) and his electrocuted porcupine hair will save the day!