Category: Jeffrey Epstein
Queen Mummy Is Reportedly Going To Pay For Prince Andrew’s Legal Defense Against Sex Abuse Allegations
The word DUH just looked at that headline and said, “Oh, look that headline redefined me.”
Because in a piece of news that is about as surprising as you telling me that you get a stage 10 case of the heaves whenever your eyes land on the name Prince Andrew, The Telegraph reports that THE QUEEN is reaching into her pocketbook to pull out a few coins to pay the lawyers defending her poor widdle winnocent favorite son. Yes, go ahead and add The Pedo Defense Fund to the list of charitable organizations that THE QUEEN donates to, allegedly.
Katie Couric Takes Shots At Martha Stewart, Deborah Norville, Prince Harry, And Many More In Her Upcoming Memoir “Going There”
The synopsis on Amazon for Katie Couric’s new memoir Going There says “if you thought you knew Katie Couric, think again.” So did you? Think you knew Katie Couric? I guess I never really thought much about her but my interest is piqued because in Going There, she straight up calls Prince Harry a stink-nasty drunk and basically calls Martha Stewart a humorless see you next Tuesday who found some much needed humbling in the chokey. And don’t get her started on Jeffrey Epstein and his little friend Prince Andrew. No actually, do get her started, and please, may she never stop. I’m already looking forward to her follow-up memoir I Said What I Said.
Prince Andrew And Sarah Ferguson Are Selling Their $24 Million Swiss Chalet To Settle A Lawsuit Claiming They Still Owe $9 Million On It
Prince Andrew is selling his only remaining pot to piss in, a $22.75 million dollar chalet in Switzerland that he and his ex-wife Original Fergie bought from a friend (with mummy’s help of course!) in 2014. That means Andrew is going to have to start rooting through the recycling bin near the security gate at THE QUEEN‘s Royal Lodge estate, where he and Fergie are currently hiding out, looking for discarded water bottles to piss in from now on. Page Six reports that Andrew and Fergie have listed their beloved Chalet Helorain, in order to settle a lawsuit filed by the seller who claims they were shorted $9 million on the purchase. Imagine being born with a silver spoon in your mouth only to wake up one day and find your dick inside a crumpled Highland Springs bottle, urine dripping all down your hand. What a shame.
It’s Been Confirmed That Prince Andrew Was Finally Served With Virginia Giuffre’s Lawsuit
It’s been six long weeks since Virginia Giuffre slapped Prince Andrew with a federal civil lawsuit accusing Andrew of sexual abuse when she was a minor. With the help of Jeffrey Epstein and Ghislaine Maxwell. Blegh. The Trash Trinity. Andrew attempted to dodge the suit by fleeing to the Royal Lodge in Windsor, and then to THE QUEEN’S Scottish castle in the country, Balmoral. On September 10 Virginia’s legal team claimed that Andrew was successfully served in Britain, however, his team denied it. But yesterday Virginia’s lawyers filed court papers with the U.S. District Court in Manhattan that confirmed that Andrew’s Los Angeles-based lawyer, Andrew Brettler, had received two copies of their civil lawsuit via email and FedEx on Monday. Yay! We can finally, officially say the three words everyone’s been longing to hear: BITCH. GOT. SERVED. Continue reading
Prince Andrew Is Hiding Out At Royal Lodge To Avoid Getting Served With Virginia Giuffre’s Rape Lawsuit
It’s been three weeks since Virginia Giuffre slapped Prince Andrew with a lawsuit for sexually abusing her in 2001 when she was 17 years old. But The Sun says that Virginia’s lawsuit has yet to touch Prince Andrew’s slimy paws since he’s been playing a shady game of dodgeball with the process servers and has been winning so far. Andrew is holed up in Royal Lodge at Windsor and won’t even think of placing one toe outside of his mansion in fear that a process server will pop out of the bushes and serve him. If only Andrew was as good at avoiding sexually abusing underage girls as he is at avoiding lawsuits, he wouldn’t be in this mess in the first place.
Virginia Giuffre Has Filed A Federal Civil Lawsuit Against Prince Andrew For Sexual Assault
Well, this is most inconvenient! Looks like Prince Andrew might have to travel to New York again and this time he won’t be able to stay at his friend Jeffrey Epstein’s because, well, because Epstein is dead. According to CNN, Virginia Giuffre (nee Roberts) has filed a civil lawsuit in US federal court against Prince Andrew accusing him of “sexual assault and battery” against her while she was a minor, and that he did so at the invitation of Andrew’s dead friend Jeff and the currently incarcerated Ghislaine Maxwell. That’s a scary predicament for Andrew to be in but don’t fret. He’s not sweating it. He can’t. And he’s definitely not pissing himself right now either. An evil witch cursed his bladder!