Open Post: Hosted By Jake Gyllenhaal Proving He Has No Patience For People Who Use Words They Can’t Pronounce

January 29, 2019 / Posted by:

I learned something new about myself this week. Thanks to Jake Gyllenhaal, I now know that pedantic, bitchy, dismissive Jake Gyllenhaal in sweater is exactly my kink. During a Sundance press conference for the movie Velvet Buzzsaw (sadly, it’s not a Velvet Goldmine sequel so you won’t see Jake in skin tight lame, but it does have Toni Collette), Jake sternly corrected his director Dan Gilroy when he tried to say that Rene Russo has a “touch of melancholy”, but mispronounced it so badly it seemed like he might have been having a little seizure.

Watch Jake collect this ignoramus not once, but twice, in the span of 20 seconds. Jake, if you’re reading this, I pronounce “ignoramus” as “IGNINAMOURZ” and I do it several times a day. I’ve been a very bad girl and need to be told, daddy.

We should probably assume, based on the rest of the cast’s reactions, that this is some sort of inside joke or Jake was just having a little fun. But I won’t. I’m going to assume Jake is the brilliant but uptight English professor who asks to see me after class so he can go over my consistent misuse of the term “quixotic” in my essay titled “Quixotic Revisionism In The Age Of Byron”, of my dreams.

This ding-dong Dan wrote and directed Nightcrawler which earned Jake a Golden Globe nomination back in 2015. So together, they have seen. some. shit. And judging from the trailer, Velvet Buzzsaw is just as violently bonkers. It co-stars melancholic Rene Russo, John Malkovich, Toni Collette, Billy Magnussen (Kato Kaelin from American Crime Story), and Natalia Dyer (Nancy on Stranger Things).

So, a high-art version of The Ring plus a homeless robot. I must say, it looks quite discomfiting (which I pronounce “discomForting”). Somebody please let Jake know about this egregious error. I need to be dismissively lectured to about it in front of a group of my peers.

Pic: Twitter

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