I thought that the Pussy Posse was a closed, Founding Members only type of club, but it looks like they are seeking new members. The good news for Jake Gyllenhaal is that his temporary card has arrived just in time for Christmas! Jake has finally met the final – most important- criteria in securing his place on next year’s Ibiza PP yacht trip. It’s been reported that 38-year-old Jake has been dating 22-year-old model Jeanne Cadieu since June. Slow claps from the Poop Deck from Leo DiCaprio and his main-man boo Lukas Haas, as Jake wipes a tear from his eye and slowly steps aboard the S.S. Under 25-Year-Old Chicks Only. Today is a beautiful day for the May-December romance.
Jake’s new beard boo Jeanne is a model with zero IMDB credits who enjoys frolicking topless under trickles of water:
Us Weekly‘s got the chisme on Jake and Jeanne via their resident Mrs. Kravitz, AKA “a source” :
“Jeanne is very mature for her age. She’s quirky, smart and loves history, reading; she’s a really great and well-rounded person. She and Jake really took things slow, but are now pretty serious.”
The Spider-Man: Far From Home actor, 38, and Cadieu, 22, are doing their best to keep their relationship under wraps. Neither of them follow each other on social media, despite Gyllenhaal joining Instagram on December 5.
“A source” is a bit too quick to point out how “mature” Jeanne is. There is nothing about how many cats Jeanne has, if she loves to crochet toilet paper covers, how many kids she yells at a day, or how many medications she is on, so how are we supposed to know how mature she really is? They have us believing that the fact that she likes to “read” makes her mature. Sadly, that’s a fair point.
This also explains why Jake suddenly started an Instagram page! I knew there was something fishy about that, but it makes perfect sense now. All the kids are doing it, and Jake needs to stay cool to his new young girlfriends and her friends. Well played, Jake. It’s much cheaper than buying a new convertible or set of Gary Busey chompers.