In the market for a light and breezy libel trial? If so then do I have good news for you! The Independent reports that the “Wagatha Christie” trial between British football wives Rebekah Vardy and Coleen Rooney kicked off today with Coleen’s barrister reading the words “Peter’s hung like a small chipolata, shaved, slobbery, lasts five minutes” into the record. The peter in question doesn’t even belong to either of their husbands. It belongs to Peter Andre who Rebekah had had a dalliance with and detailed in a 2004 interview in News Of The World.
Back in 2019, lovers of petty drama were riveted by Coleen’s Instagram post detailing how she allegedly caught her supposed friend and fellow football wife Rebekah selling her personal information to The Sun. Coleen had apparently been suspicious of Rebekeh for years and decided to lay a trap by winnowing everybody from her close friends list except for Rebekah then sharing false information to see if it would get printed, thus earning the code name “Wagatha Christie,” a WAG being an acronym for “wives and girlfriends” of footballers. Rebekah allegedly fell for the trap and was caught red-handed by Coleen who revealed her results in the most dramatic and public way possible. However, Rebekah adamantly denied the charge, declared herself HEAVILY PREGNANT, and sued Coleen for libel. Neither of them was willing to back down, so here we are. The Independent reports:
Earlier today, Coleen Rooney’s barrister David Sherborne asked Rebekah Vardy questions about an interview she gave to the News Of The World about Mrs Vardy’s claimed sexual encounter with singer Peter Andre.
Mr Sherborne showed what appeared to an A3 printout of the article to Mrs Vardy in the witness box before reading the headline: “Peter’s hung like a small chipolata, shaved, slobbery, lasts five minutes”.
The barrister read excerpts from the article, in which it was claimed Mr Andre had managed “just five minutes of sex with Rebekah” and in which she said he had “the smallest trouser equipment I’ve ever seen” that was like a “miniature chipolata”.
Mr Sherborne suggested to Mrs Vardy that the News Of The World was the “highest circulating newspaper at the time”, read by some four million people.
Coleen’s team used this interview to establish Rebekah as a messy mess who loves mess but Rebecka says she “was forced into a situation by [her] ex-husband to do this” and that she deeply regrets it, but resents the “mudslinging.” As for the leaks to The Sun, Rebekah’s attorney “suggested it was possible” that Rebekah’s agent, Caroline Watt “may have acted unilaterally and passed stories to the Sun without Vardy’s knowledge.” The Guardian reports:
In written submissions, Vardy’s barrister, Hugh Tomlinson QC, denied his client had personally leaked any stories to the Sun, nor had she approved or condoned “anyone else to do so on her behalf”.
However, in a late change of approach, he suggested it was “possible” Vardy’s agent, Caroline Watt, may have acted unilaterally and passed stories to the Sun without Vardy’s knowledge. The court heard Watt is no longer healthy enough to give evidence.
Et tu Caroline? Maybe she’s HEAVILY PREGNANT. Caroline apparently had the passwords for Rebekah’s Instagram account and WhatsApp messages between Rebekah and Caroline showing that “from time to time they did discuss ‘leaking’ information to the press” have mysteriously disappeared, along with a whole bunch of other evidence that was literally allegedly lost at sea. Via BBC:
Earlier on Tuesday, Mrs Rooney’s barrister told the court there had been a “widespread and significant destruction or loss of evidence” in the case.
The court has heard that Mrs Vardy’s agent, Caroline Watt, had lost her phone in the North Sea after it was hit by a wave before Mrs Rooney’s team could see WhatsApp messages that could potentially help her case.
Mr Sherborne told the court on the trial’s opening day there had been “a concerted effort to ensure highly relevant and incriminating” documents didn’t make it to court.
He said a series of “most improbable events” had affected the disclosure of evidence, including Ms Watt’s “poor unfortunate phone” falling into the sea “within days” of the court ordering that it should be searched for disclosure.
“What terrible luck,” Mr Sherborne said.
Other issues with data recovery raised by Rooney’s lawyers included deletion of a Twitter account belonging to Watt, the disposal of a laptop used by Vardy during the crucial period, and the hacking of her husband Jamie Vardy’s WhatsApp account, which resulted in the loss of his messages.
OK, sounds to me like the real mystery is who put a curse on Rebekah? Maybe she should set up her own sting operation to find out why she keeps having all this bad luck. The trial is expected to last about a week. Since it’s still up, here’s the exchange started it all. Better read it while you can before it winds up at the bottom of the North Sea.